


ILYS - 'Good Ending'

by Ikasury, WishStone



Series: The Fork In The Road [2]
Category: Persona 4
Genre: Broken Heart, F/M, It takes time, Jealousy, Overcoming Loss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-23
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-08-16 21:50:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 36,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8118784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ikasury/pseuds/Ikasury, https://archiveofourown.org/users/WishStone/pseuds/WishStone
Summary: The other extreme I didn't end up taking when the original ILYS was written. Again, I still consider the final result of ILYS the actual and proper way it should have happened, but as was discussed in the comments of ILYS, there could have been two extreme solutions. A Bad and a Good ending.This is the 'Good End' of ILYS, picking up after the original Chapter Four.





	1. Chapter 1

_You are sulking again,_ a shadowy voice echoed inside of her head.

 _I am no such thing_ , Naoto replied to it, out of habit. She wasn't sulking. She was tired, that was all.

Her head rested on her arms which in turn rested on her desk at school. Students drifted in and out of the classroom, thankfully no longer trying to engage her in conversation. Weeks of pointedly ignoring them now finally paid off.

The blue-haired girl heard the voices of students drifting in from the school yard outside through the open windows. Spring was in full force with only two days into May. While the weather held, few would bother to sit inside, additionally assisting her in her bid for solitude.

That is, until she heard someone open the door to the class room suddenly. She turned her head towards the windows and let her eyes slide shut. They would leave.

Someone moved a chair near her and she felt an item being placed on her desk. When she didn't react, she heard a chair scrape once more, heavier.

She rolled her head back only far enough for her nose to remain pressed to her arm, as she glanced forward. An eyebrow slowly came up, as she saw two cloth-wrapped packages in front of her. She still didn't see who it was, her cap hiding her face from the other person as effectively, as it hid their identity from her.

“Salmon or pork?” asked a familiar, warm voice.

Naoto slowly lifted her head and the moment she saw his face, she pinched her eyes shut. “Kanji-kun.”

"Mhm, 's me."

She remained silent, turning her head away again, keeping her eyes shut. He would soon leave and whatever he wanted could wait...

Sadly, he, too, waited on her, and when the silence lingered, he repeated himself. “So? Salmon or pork?”

“What kind of a fragmented question is this?” she mumbled against her arm.

“Mhm?”

“You are not being precise. What is your question?”

“Ah. Sorry. Would ya like salmon or pork for lunch?”

“I did not bri-“

“-bring any lunch, yeah, I figured.” She opened her eyes and glared up at him. He stared back. “What?”

“How would you know…?”

“Ya ain’t brought any lunch for two weeks. I mean, ya never eat much, but I’ve not seen ya eat at all.”

She narrowed her eyes at him, a wordless challenge. "You have been observing me?"

"Yeah."

"I do not need surveillance, Kanji-kun."

To that he simply tilted his head and waited. As she was about to turn away again, he said: "Yer never eatin' enough-"

“I have been busy.”

“Yeah, sure." She heard him shift and saw him move sideways so she could see his face again. "So?”

“So? I simply do not have the time to spend on such frivolous activates as worrying about a meal.”

He crossed his arms, sighed and shook his head. As if his vague question has been obvious! “So – pork or salmon. Which do ya feel like? The pork is a simple katsu and the salmon is grilled.”

If she had to admit it, it both sounded nice enough. However, she wasn’t actually hungry; the painful ball of emotion taking up all her stomachs’ capacity. “I do not need any- There is no reason for you to-“

“Yer ain’t eatin’. That should be reason enough.” He crossed his arms and leaned forward towards her, well entering her private space now. “An’ right now, yer keepin’ me from my lunch. Pick somethin’ already.”

She frowned as he opened the cloth of the two boxes, then let her head sink back to her arms. “Eat, then. I am not obstructing you from consuming any of your food.”

Naoto heard another annoyed grunt, then listened to the boy unpacking the layers of two bento boxes. “Tell ya what. We can share. And if you like one thing better, you eat that.” She turned her head as she felt a small paper envelope being pressed in her hand – disposable chopsticks. “But I’ll not leave till you eat.”

Her eyes slid shut. “That may be a bold statement, once our classes resume.”

Paper ripped and she heard him unpack his own set of utensils. “Maybe. Then again, I’ll be with my back towards Kashiwagi. Will give me a nicer view for a change, too.”

Lifting her head, Naoto stared back at him with raised eyebrows. There was a tiniest of blushes, maybe. Good. He should feel at least somewhat embarrassed at barging in on her like he did. His presence was unwanted and unwelcome.

Except... it wasn't. His steady presence over the last few weeks had slowly worn her down. Kanji's repeated vigils, the times he would shadow her on her way home or to school - she knew he had secured her need for privacy more than once and she had heard him argue even with Kujikawa-san, loudly, over the topic of 'Leave her alone already'. He had somehow appointed himself her guardian, and she... she had grown to accept him.

But her acceptance was of him, silently, in the background, not interfering with her. Somehow, this had now changed.

“Why? What I mean is,” she said, stopping him from replying by lifting one hand briefly before placing it back down, “why do you insist on … on…” Her voice trailed off. There seemed too much to list, and most of it, said out loud, sounded either like it would embarrass her in turn, or not make sense when spoken.

Kanji leaned one arm on the desk, pushing the offered lunch forward ever so slightly. “Let’s see.” He lifted his other arm and showed his first, uncurling the thumb. “One. Why do I insist on hangin’ ‘round when you try to make sure no one does? Because I don’t think ya really, _really_ wanna be alone.” He added his index finger. “Two. Why do I want you to eat? Because I don’t wanna see ya get sick. …ya look awful.” With his middle finger he now showed three. “Three. I didn’t know what ya like, so I thought I let ya pick yerself.” Ring finger. “Four. I’ve been followin’ ya because someone asked me to.”

“Who?” she shot back.

He hesitated. He shook his head and whispered "You'd not believe me," then opened his hand fully. “Five. I wanna have lunch with someone an’ everyone else is busy today or sittin’ outside. ‘s too damn warm.” He tucked his thumb under his palm. “Six, yer my friend, damnit, an' there's only so long I can't do nothin' while yer in pain.“ His index finger ducked down again. "Seven. I've not seen yer out shoppin' and Teddie said he's not seen ya, either, so I guess you didn't even buy food in a week or longer. I won't let you walk home without having eaten something." Now only the ring finger and pinky were held up. "Eight. I'm a pretty decent chef, and I thought I might as well use the chance to show my stuff..." Here he trailed off, blushing.

Naoto put up both hands and sat up, her wrapped chopsticks falling to the floor. “All right, all right. You can stop now.” She watched him bend down and pick up the long envelope. When he righted himself, she continued. “We will have lunch, but do not expect an exorbitant amount of conversation.”

Kanji blinked, then shrugged. “You wanna be quiet? Tha's cool, I prefer to eat if I'm honest.” He nodded to the food. "Pick whichever ya like, Naoto. And if you like somethin', eat it up."

Naoto slowly unpacked her chopsticks. “…yes. But do not think I am- I am only doing this- What I mean-“

He waved her off. “Yer wanna be rid of me. This is the easiest way. Right?”

She eyed him, then nodded.

“Tha’s cool. So long as you eat.”

Staring at one another, they folded their hands over their chopsticks, in Naoto’s case bowing her head slightly, and started to pick out bits of food.

Naoto found that while the lump in her gut seemed as present as ever, her appetite slowly came as she ate. That Kanji was a more than simply passable chef absolutely helped matters. The food was very good, carrying the comfort of home cooking she did not allow herself too often.

If she had to be honest, knowing that he had prepared the food with her in mind did bring her some happiness. Yes, she still felt she needed to distance herself from the members of the investigation team. But maybe she could allow small moments like this one as well. If nothing else, it kept them at a manageable distance.

It brought, however, no further answers.

Chewing on a bit of sweet pickled ginger, she stared unseeing at the food. Her nightmare from the previous night surfaced once more. What did she want? That answer was very clear to her. She wanted Yu. She wanted him in her life so badly it caused her physical pain. Hurt her so much she felt like weeping. Just the sound of his voice, listened to endlessly on her phone, broke her heart with longing.

"How is it?"

Her thoughts of Yu interrupted, she looked up at Kanji.

"The food. How is it? Not too... not bland, is it?"

She blinked and focussed on the food in her mouth. The bit of katsu was nice, the pork wasn't tough, the sauce drizzled lightly to merely enhance the flavour. "It's more than passable." She looked at him and saw a strange glimmer in his eyes. She worked up a smile. "It is _good_ , Kanji. Thank you."

Her smile slipped away as her thoughts reclaimed her. She didn't want to be here, good food or not. Naoto needed to be reunited with Yu, soon. The feeling of being whole when he was with her; the feeling of not needed to fight her battles on her own - she craved it. Still, there was the problem of how. Maybe simply moving to the city would help. Enrolling in his school would not be a problem. Finding a reason to tell Grampa would be easy, she could simply list credentials of the teachers there, or list certain courses Yaso-High didn’t offer. There were ways, if only she had the means to reach for them.

What exactly was stopping her? It should not be something as trivial as consideration for the other girls. Several of them she did not even know personally. Chie-senpai and Yukiko-senpai seemed to be doing well. Rise, clearly, was busy. So there was no worry there.

She refocussed as Kanji grunted and pushed a tray forward, pointing with his chopsticks at the last piece of salmon. She shook her head and leaned back. With a shrug, he picked it up and added it to some rice before plopping both into his mouth.

Naoto put her chopsticks down and watched him eat. Kanji would possibly be the only one to take any greater note of her being missing. She'd be out of the girls' way, and he, if nothing else, could find himself a new girl to try and watch over. Amagi-senpai would possibly like someone to keep the ridiculous "Amagi challenge" in check. Then there was Hanamura-senpai, the only other male on the team, and she knew Yu considered him his closest friend. Maybe Kanji could act so normal, because he did not miss Yu. Maybe Rise was right in her teasing several months ago and Kanji had an interest in her. Whichever it was, he seemed more relaxed today as he sat with her and ate.

She glanced away. “Thank you.”

He nodded, swallowing a mouthful. “Sure. Was it okay? I don’t make katsu often and we were out of sauce an’-“

“It was very adequate. I am sorry I did not each much. I assuredly am not keen on any food; it holds no reflection on your skill as a chef...”

“Ya. I see that.” He sighed. “Yer still not gonna tell me what’s eatin’ at you, hm?”

Naoto bit her lip, catching herself from looking at him. He sounded genuine, if nothing else. And, unlike the other girls, she didn't think he wanted to talk to her about it. Not really. If Rise was right, and the boy had feelings for her, the better for him not to know.

She shook her head.

Kanji grunted. “’kay. Well. Thanks for havin’ lunch with me.” He started to stack up the boxes and tied them back into their cloth squares. “If ya know what yer might like tomorrow, lemme know.”

"It won't be nec-"

He froze mid-tie. " _Please_ , Naoto."

She looked up. His voice sounded strained, nearly raw, and the expression on his face underlined his plea, even though he was not looking at her directly. "Kanji-kun..."

"Lemme do this one thing at least. Let me do _some_ thing, Naoto. Please. I... I jus'.... I need to do somethin'."

She tried to swallow around the lump in her throat. "I cannot possibly be the social engagement you need. I have... not been very pleasant company as of recent." Her eyes slid away from him. "As you surely have been told by Kujikawa."

He smiled sadly. "So long as you eat my food, ya can yell at me the rest of the day."

She hung her head. If she had fully been herself, she would have not said the next words. "Some plain onigiri would be appreciated."

"Onigiri. Okay." He grabbed the boxes and stood. "Thank you. Really. I was startin' ta worry I'd need to..." He smirked at her. " _Baby ya_."

As she watched him go, she wondered how long she would be a coward and not tell him she was madly in love with another boy.

 

 

* * *

 

"You really, really need to move out, Naoto-kun..."

She stood, her fists clenched at her side, shaking all over in utter fury. "I'd _love_ to leave. How about you show me-"

"Tried that," her shadow supplied, sounded absolutely bored, twirling in an oversized office chair before a wall of monitors, "but all of your magnificent intellect and you still seem unable to actually go through with my proposal."

"You claim my only way out if self-harm. But I know that isn't true. I know there are other ways. There _must_ be."

The shadow shifted. One hand held its cap on its head as it turned, throwing its legs over the backrest, hanging upside down before her. Bright yellow eyes stared at her. "Well, find it, Detective. Because you cannot stay here. This is _my_ domain. _My_ home. This is where _I_ demand dominion."

"But... you brought me here."

It scoffed and the chair started to twirl, as if being pushed by an unseen hand. "Maybe, maybe not, whichever it is though - you've overstayed your welcome." The chair stopped, her shadow glared. "End it or get better, Shirogane!"

Naoto looked at her hands and noticed she held both Algernon and her phone. Faintly, she heard Yu's voice message replay to her.

"I know you keep that toy of yours in top condition, I'll happily supply the bullets-"

"Algernon is no toy; nor a mere tool!"

"Whatever you call it, use it!"

"No! Listen, you have tried to convince me, but to do that, I would need to stand alone. And I do not."

Her shadow took its cap off its head and rested it on its unnaturally flat chest with a smile. "Ooooh? That is quite a change from 'I will find my own reasons for living', Naoto-kun."

"If I were to stand alone, maybe. I cannot deny that this option has always been a part of me. But I do not stand alone."

"Not for lack of trying," her shadow mumbled and closed its eyes slowly. "Fine. Then the other."

Naoto's gaze fell on her phone, which still somehow looped Yu's last message to her. His last words repeated looped, again and again. "Call me. Call me. Call me."

With a groan, her shadow flapped its sleeve-hidden arms. "Call him already!"

"I cannot..."

"Why?"

Naoto blinked at her mirror-image. "You must be joking. The reasons are manifold and-"

"Be concrete, Detective Shirogane," her lab-coated doppelgänger drawled.

"What if I bother him?"

A scoff.

"I want his affections, not to anger him!" The moment the words left her mouth, she froze up.

"Oh, please. If you are his, if you are girlfriend and boyfriend... would a boyfriend complain about receiving a call from his _loving_ girlfriend?"

She hesitated. Put like that... But... "This is... much more complicated."

"Is it," a bored voice asked, as the chair started to swivel again, "is it really?"

"Yes!"

"Would Kanji complain if you called him?"

She froze, looking up from her phone. "What?" She shook her head. "What is the segue here?"

"Kanji Tatsumi. Call him. Call him right now and see how he reacts."

"Out of the question! I want Tatsumi-kun to regard me well. He may be the only person currently in the whole of Yaso-Inaba whom I can entrust myself with. All other connections have been severed. Until I can reunite with Yu, I should not discount the chance that I have one remaining ally."

"Then find out. Call him."

"I would surely wake him and-"

" _Call him!_ "

 

* * *

 

Naoto started awake, staring into the darkness of her bedroom. Her first impulse was to snatch up her phone and call Yu. She needed him. She needed his calm, even voice. She needed to tell him how much she loved him. She had to let him know she was still his. She ...

She numbly stared at his number for a while, until her display turned itself off.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still similar, but the divergence starts to show now.

Tugging on her shoes, Naoto glanced outside. As the rain came in, it had grown significantly darker. Irrationally she mused that their school uniforms were not the safest items of clothing to walk around in the dark. If the white stitching on their jackets and pants were reflective, a lot of accidents could surely be avoided. She should bring this forward as a formal petition, maybe by the beginning of next semester they could already drastically reduce the risk of-

With a grunt she shook her head. That train of thought turned into a runaway wreck quickly... It seemed death was on her mind still, no matter how vehemently she had tried to convince her shadow last night that she had no intentions of self-harm. An irritating thought, that. She had fought that particular daemon for years. Since her parents had left her, the 'solution' had tried to surface again and again. She had learned from a few cases that suicide in the family can indeed cause this in children: The desire to be reunited with the missing parent in death seems so logical, so straight-forward... only that with her, it had lingered in the back of her mind for years and years. Over ten years later, and the threat still loomed at times.

With a shiver she put her indoor shoes roughly into her letter-filled locker. Stopped, fished the letters out and stuffed them into her school bag with a sigh. The junior Shirogane picked up her umbrella and headed out past the Samegawa, headed along the most direct route to her bus stop. She had stayed late today, trying to make some headway in her school work... and to escape the members of the investigation team. Thankfully the inn was seemingly busy, keeping her female senpai away. She had overheard it was inventory time at Junes, several students had fliers for short-term inventory jobs. Kanji had, after bringing her lunch several times, started to give her a bit more space after school hours.

All in all, hiding may not have been needed any longer, but her walls had been build high and she simply needed to be _alone_. Especially now. It would be ... _her_ birthday in a few days.

Naoto had by now given up on even opening the text messages send by any member of the former investigation team. After the third one she opened - from three different people! - was on the subject of a planned party, she had lost all interest. The result was a stack of unread messages from her senpai (minus Yu) and Teddie. Thankfully the idol had enough tact to not try and push herself forward any more than she generally did already.

Thinking about her brought her generally seething jealousy to a splattering boil. Why? Why did she have to push herself forward? ...why did Yu-senpai have to put another girl before her? Was it as her shadow suggested. She tried to playing at being a girlfriend, only to find she would never be enough of a girl to fill that role?

Naoto arrived at the stop, her feet having carried her without any active thought to spare. She saw an older woman in a modest kimono struggle to exit the bus that had pulled to a halt in just in front of her. Naoto hurried a few steps closer, lifting her umbrella for the woman and offered her hand. Her manners, her upbringing to be a gentleman, this was something even her darkest moods could not stifle.

"Oh, you are wonderful, dear, could you take my bag?"

The kimono-clad woman leaned forward and handed her a sturdy linen shopping bag. Naoto took it and transferred it to her other hand, now lifting both the bag and the umbrella. She reached out once more, offering her hand to help her exit the bus. Her finely hones politeness kicked into gear and she smiled at ... Tatsumi-san.

"Thank you, dearie. My, but I am glad this isn't proper silk, it would be utterly ruined by now." With a face used to smiles, she wiped a few rain drops from her brow.

"Tatsumi-san? Isn't your son generally the one to pick up the shopping? I remember him once mentioning such."

The woman stopped, blinked at Naoto over the rim of her glasses, and recognition was added to the smile. "Why, it is Naoto-kun! Yes, generally he would, but he gave a class for a small group of children right after school today, so it made sense to have him mind the store while I went out. But he was right, I should have brought my umbrella..."

The junior Shirogane nodded. "I understand. Then, please, allow me to walk you home. It would be remiss of me to simply ignore you now."

"If you would? Oh, thank you, dear."

With this, Naoto hefted her briefcase back under her arm, shifted the umbrella and gestured for the woman to lead.

They were half-way to her home, when the woman spoke up. "Naoto-kun... I'm sorry, I do not mean to be nosey..."

"Yes, Tatsumi-san?"

They walked a few meters in silence. "I noticed Kanji brought two lunches into school for several days now." Naoto's feet stopped for a breath before falling back into their normal rhythm. "And when I asked him about it, be grew very defensive. He does not get that way, unless he is doing something nice for someone."

Naoto's face was as much of a mask as she could manage. She felt the eyes of the older woman scan her, unspoken questions in her eyes.

"He... did offer to exchange some home cooking for study sessions. Until now, he has claimed to be too busy to take me up on my offer to study with him after class, however."

"I am not suggesting that you are mooching, Naoto-kun." A small, wiry hand slipped out of her long sleeves and she gently grasped Naoto's arm. "I can see when someone is not feeling well." She slowed, making Naoto halt as well. The younger sullenly stared ahead, unsure she could keep her composure around the older woman. Who, with a very soft voice asked, "Is there a problem?"

The detective frowned at the ground. "No problem, Tatsumi-san. I've not had much drive to..." Her voice trailed off. How could she explain?

"Not much drive to...?"

Naoto turned her head at the quiet tone of the woman's voice. She had noticed some time ago already that she had a very soft spot in her heart for the senior Tatsumi. She had raised Kanji on her own, which must have been a trying labour... And she was utterly _maternal._ The girl did not know how to deal with the picture book image of motherly care, and maybe she never quite would be able to. There was something utterly disarming about the presence of Kanji's mother, and she had to fight to keep her projected self in place.

The girl sighed. "Your assumption is indeed a correct one. He had offered to bring a larger lunch to share without my previous offer. I did ask him to no longer do so, but if I do not tell him what I would like the next day, he simply starts brining whichever he himself would like and insist on sharing with me." She set them back into motion, and the hand on her arm moved away. "I cannot fathom his motive in this matter. I had not requested his help."

"My Kanji-chan does what he does for his own reasons, Naoto-kun."

"He was nothing but polite," she admitted reluctantly. She would not add her other thoughts of his earlier, overly protective behaviour entering the realms of obsessive observation of her movements or his irritating habit of not budging when she asked him to. If anything, her conceit to eat lunch with him had won her more freedom in that regard.

The nod his move gave her comment was pleased. "Good. And..." a small smile played at her lips, "he may have asked me if cooking for a girl would be appropriate." She hid her laugh behind her hand when Naoto stumbled. "He cares about his friends, dear child. He always is good to those he cares about," she put up a finger, "and abrasive. Why, these days, I get the feeling if he does not yell at me, that I have done something wrong." With that, she slid open the door to her store and called out, "Kanji-chan, I am home!"

Kanji, wearing a store apron, turned sideways from measuring out some cloth and smiled for the fragment of a second, before he saw Naoto and froze.

"I am home?"

"Huh?" He blinked, then turned his eyes back to his mother. "Ah! Yes. We-Welcome home, Ma." He scrambled to his feet, hurried over to take the shopping from her and gave Naoto a brief nod and a grunt.

"Well then, I will-" The junior Shirogane froze as a loud thunderclap rolled through town.

"A storm? They didn't say there would be a storm, and this early in the year?" Kanji's mother leaned back outside and gave a small start as everything turned purple and bright yellow in the distance. "Oh my… This won't do." She slid the door shut in front of Naoto and started to take the umbrella out of her hands. "Well, I meant to invite you for dinner was a thank-you anyhow and it seems the gods gave me another reason to not send you home just yet."

"Ah. I..." _Think!_ "I appreciate the offer, Tatsumi-san, but I really ought to not impose any longer."

"Nonsense! You are one of Kanji-chan's friends and you gave up your chance on getting home before the storm by helping me get back here safe and dry. Please. It's been months since we had a guest over."

The girl turned her head and glance at the floor. "I..." Her voice ran out. It would be rude to refuse too strongly, no matter **_what_** she actually wanted or not. And Tatsumi-san was not involved in her current private dilemma. If anything, she had been most accommodating towards her in any and all of their interactions. She nodded and bowed to the woman. "I would be glad to accept your kind offer."

"That's a good girl. Now, take off your shoes, let me find you a pair of my house shoes, our floors can get breezy."

As she vanished into the back, Naoto pulled off her shoes and looked around. Nothing indicated that there had been a class previously, but she had seen him give these classes before. He was meticulous in his work and imprinted his ethics of order into the children he worked with. Everything was kept in five storage totes that she assumed he kept hidden in the back somewhere, and everything in these had its place and function. She would not find stray items from his classes.

She fondly remembered an afternoon during which she had come here with Yu to watch Nanako. It was early in their relationship and she still struggled with his attention. Every gaze of his made her blush and lose track of what she wished to say; everything he did seemed to enticing and Nanako loving her so deeply and freely made it easier to be drawn to the young girls' cousin.

The ache in her chest returned with vigour.

Tatsumi-san returned and placed a pair of comfortable-looking slippers before her. "Now, these are a winter pair, so if these feel too warm, you can take them off, but I am getting into the age where I need more warmth myself."

"Please, Tatsumi-san," Naoto replied embarrassed, tucking her cap, "you are not _old_."

She laughed delightedly. "And now you sound like my son. Come inside, it will be much warmer in the kitchen."

Naoto allowed her to lead, hearing her chatter at the corner of her mind, but not paying it any real attention. Because she had just realised that having dinner with Kanji Tatsumi's mother meant she would be having dinner with Kanji Tatsumi.

"Kanji-chan, your friend will be here for dinner, do we have something we could stretch to make work for three of us?"

A clatter, a few heavy steps, then he peered around the door frame with wide-open eyes. "How'd you old bat make her-"

"Kanji! Really!" She shot him a glance that clearly communicated 'You will not in front of my guest...!'. "What can we make?"

He shook his head, blinked and apologised hurriedly. "Sorry, Ma. Eer. I had planned to make curry tonight, actually, 's quick and I had thought we could put leftovers away." His eyes ghosted to Naoto for a moment. "Possibly have some for my bento... So, yeah. Got plenty for that." He scratched his neck and mumbled, not looking at his classmate.

She nodded. "Since I am an unplanned guest, let me make myself useful. I assume I could start-"

"No, dear, you are our guest!"

"Please. Let me assist."

The woman looked from her to his son, who shrugged and made an odd gesture that Naoto wasn't sure she understood fully.

"If ya wanna. Yer 'kay with peelin' and cutting the veggies?"

Naoto nodded, placed her briefcase and jacket over a chair and opened the buttons on her shirt sleeves to begin rolling them up. Kanji set out a knife and cutting board for her, while his mother turned to put away their shopping, which Kanji had simply put on the table previously.

Kanji and his mother chatted as they were on their tasks, but the cobalt-haired girl did not join in. She stole glances at the older woman and Kanji, who had started growing his bleached hair out, leaving him with the beginning of a darker layer of hair under his bleached and gelled hairdo.

Her stomach cramped painfully as she remembered a similar night, in early November, when Yu and Nanako fixed up dinner. In the case of that specific night, there was more laughter and singing, mostly supplied by the little girl, but the situation, the familiar warmth of the setting, made her insides clench tightly.

She stared unseeing the half an onion in front of her when she felt a hand on her upper arm. She turned to look up at Kanji. "Ma hates cuttin' those, too, want me ta-?"

She shook her head and started to cut the bulb into chunks. When her eyes watered it was only in part from the counter-attack of the onion.

Just as she wiped her cheek on her shoulder, a phone rang. Kanji turned and sprinted away into the hallway, then pocked his head back into the kitchen only a moment later. "Ma? It's Amagi-san, askin' for ya."

"Goodness, at this time of day?" The woman left the rice and Kanji took over washing and rinsing it as she left.

The teens stood side-by-side, each quietly working. Naoto sniffed a few times, but if he suspected anything, he did not voice his thoughts to her. The muted conversation from the other room was drowned out by the running water and when he finally turned off the tap, Naoto only was able to hear the tail-end of a conversation.

"...can't let the poor dear have that on this special day, no. ....yes, of course I will. ....No, it will be fine. What? Oh... yes, that would be appreciated of course. Good. Good, thank you. I will be there soon."

Naoto handed her cutting board to Kanji, who took it from her, unseeing, as he turned to the door. His mother walked in, looking thoughtful.

"What did Amagi-san need?"

"Well, apparently there was a mishap with a wedding kimono earlier today that damaged the obi. I have agreed to come out and fix it as a rush order before the great day tomorrow."

"What?! You stupid old bat, you wanna go out in _that_?" Kanji flung his arm to the window.

His mother smiled much more fondly than anyone rightly should after such an inconsiderate insult. A hand cupped his cheek. "They are sending me a taxi, Kanji-chan. Be a good boy and go find my kit."

He glared a moment, then stomped out.

"See? If you are not on the tail end of his sharp tongue, you know he does not care. He is worried and his worry always comes out as anger." She smiled fondly at the doorway that her son had just passed through.

"I am sorry to see you leave already. You were the one to invite me. I should leave as well."

"Nonsense! Kanji would love to have you share a meal. Besides, depending on how the damage looks, I might not need to do much and will be back soon."

"Hm. If you insist..."

"I do insist! Cook a nice dinner, set some out for me, and I will come back soon so I can eat what you two are cooking."

Naoto froze as a fond hand was placed on her head and the woman turned to leave as well.

Well. She was no chef, but even Naoto could boil some rice. She took the rinsed rice, measured out the water according to the amount of rice and set everything up to boil.

And after that... She looked around for the package of curry, trying to find the instructions, just as Kanji walked back in. "Ma's out." She simply continued on her task. It took a few moments before he spoke up again. "Look, Naoto..." She turned to see how he rubbed his neck. "I... I dunno, I hadn't expected ya..."

"I am sorry for intruding," she replied mildly.

His demeanour changed like lightning. His hand snapped to his side and he stood up taller. "'s not the damned _point_ , Naoto!" He pinched his eyes shut and rubbed his face. "No... sorry... I'm tryin'a say... I think you would rather not hang out with me, so if you wanna leave..."

The teens didn't look at one another for a while. Then Naoto shifted, her right hand sliding up her left arm till she gripped her shoulder. "If your mother were to return soon, she would be disappointed if I had left already. I should wait with you for her to join us." She swallowed. "At least for a while."

He pressed his lips together, then nodded and pulled a frilly apron from the peg on the wall. "Right. Okay, I'll get this started."

She nodded, watching him set out his utensils and ingredients. "Very well. I will start on our homework." He grunted and she hesitated, watching his back. She _was_ a guest. She should offer something in return for their hospitality. "Seeing I will be here a while, I will... I would be... glad to assist you with yours."

"Thanks."

Silence settled in, punctuated by the small sounds of Kanji's cooking and Naoto's quiet review of her notes.

While she had said she would start on her homework, she found herself lacking her general measure of concentration. She found her eyes wandering all over the small, classic homely setting of the kitchen and her eyes kept sliding back to Kanji.

Where Yu had been oddly creative in his cooking, replacing ingredients on the spot, mixing in new flavours, joking and laughing... Kanji was... well... Much like she had seen him in his crafts classes, he seemed to assign everything to a spot and checked his material before he started cooking. He would not need to improvise, like Yu so often had to, because he did not run out of ingredients or forget to add something to the meal. He was ready. Prepared. She wondered what would happen if she stole the corn starch he used to dust the chunks of chicken before frying them, or what he would do if she claimed all the carrots had gone bad.

The longer she watched the blonde, the more she also knew that she missed Yu. Watching Kanji, she missed her senpai more than she had in days. She missed his even, quiet voice, the way just listening to him warmed her, the way he would smile at her and how it would make her ache for his touch.

In all of his she felt the pain over not being near Yu, it was wrong to be in the Tatsumi home like she was now and feel even a moment of contentment. And yet, that was what happened. As she watched the boy cook, she relaxed, leaning on the table, and still missing the man she had given herself to.

For a moment she toyed with the idea once more to just call Yu. Find out how he had been. Tell him she missed him. Ask him why he had not left her a birthday message. Or told her he loved her since New Year’s Night.

"This is coming along nicely. Ya hungry?"

Naoto made a reserved sound.

"That's... a no, eh?"

She stared at her exercise, unseeing. "I do not feel especially hungry, no."

"Figures..." She heard some creaks and cracks; he was possibly stretching out. "Ya like some tea?"

Naoto blinked and looked up. "Pardon?"

"Tea? Would you like some? Because I want some."

"Oh. I..." She pressed her lips together and shook her head.

"Okay, anythin' else then? Just some water?"

"Kanji-kun..."

"C'mon, Naoto... let me be a host. Ma'll skin me if not."

She pressed her lips together and looked down into her books again. "Some tea sounds lovely. Thank you."

Silence returned and she realised she was staring at her phone on the table. Just a text message perhaps. Just something short? "You are still important to me" perhaps. She would even spell it out for him, literally. Maybe tell him she considered to transfer schools. Come out to him, so she could be closer. So she could be _his,_ fully. So he would not need to ever look at another girl, ever again.

However long her thoughts had been drifting, it was long enough for Kanji to join her at the table with a pot of brewed tea and two thick cups.

"Thank you."

"Yeah, don' mention it. 's hot, be careful."

Naoto flicked her eyes up. In low, dangerous tones she said, "You are doing it again."

Kanji glanced at her, looking tired. "Doin' what, Naoto?"

She put the pencil in her hand down before she broke it by clenching her hand into a fist. "You baby me."

"Bab- What?!"

Taking off her cap and running her hand through her hair, she just sighed.

"I ain't never babied ya! I know ya hate it when ya think others are-!"

She scoffed.

" _What_? I'm... I-!" There was a sudden, pronounced silence. "Damnit..."

And this was what made her pause. Because it did not sound like him. Her eyes rolled up, peering at him under lowered eyebrows. She caught sight of the young man's hands covering his face. He sighed a deep breath and she saw his hands slowly rub his face before he dropped his hands slowly to the table.

It was too much. Naoto swallowed heavily; quietly but swiftly started to assemble the contents of her briefcase, and made to stand. "I... I will be taking my leave now."

He shook his head in his hands. "Please don't..."

"I am distressing you."

"Naoto, I-"

She rounded on him, her unease flipped into anger. She felt trapped, she felt uncomfortably comfortable and she could not afford herself to go soft now. She could not allow herself to be taken in by the mirage of this home, as it seemed to invoke feelings for this place she should only feel at the Dojima household. She had to leave. "What? What is it you want?" Her cap was slowly being crushed in her hand, her breath came in quick, angry huffs.

He still had not moved his hands and his voice came muffled. Outside, she noticed faint thunder roll, in the far-off distance. "I cannot stand seeing you ... like this." Finally, his hands moved and Naoto was taken aback at traces of moisture on his face. "I need you to be safe."

"I am perfectly safe! It is just a bit of rain outside, Kanji-kun. The thunderstorm seems to be passing us."

"Wh- Rain? Who cares about that shit?" he growled.

"I don't know, what else do you mean by _safe_?"

"Ya ain't eatin' unless I make ya, yer avoidin' all'a us, an'... and yer... you... Why won't you trust me?"

Those last works snared her. This helpless whisper, the raw emotion openly inside, it trapped her, froze her in place. She slowly sunk back to sit at the table. Her breath caught and she became painfully aware of the quiet around them. "I beg your pardon?"

"Please, don't go. Not till you finally tell me..."

She swallowed and gazed away. "Tell you what? What is it you want to hear so badly?"

He hunched and lowered his head as if trying to gaze into her eyes. "Somethin's wrong. You're being strange." _Strange_. The word echoed in her head in the following moments of silence. "Yer not bein' yerself. An' I wanna know why."

What to say? How much honesty could she allow here? Could she allow herself? 'I've fallen madly in love with senpai, I slept with him and now I fear he dumped me for Kujikawa'-while that would be a relief to put into open words... she knew Kanji admired senpai. Everyone did. Everyone loved him.

"You may need to keep on having an unfulfilled want then." She stared at the table, her hand dropping her newsboy hat. "I am sorry. This ... this is not something any of you could understand."

"Try me."

"I _cannot_ , Kanji-kun."

"Naoto. Tell me what is going on."

She scoffed and faced him again. "Why could you possibly care? Why would _any_ of you care?"

"Any of _'us'_? Because we are your damn friends? Because you worry us?" His voice grew louder with each word now.

She pinched her eyes shut and shouted back. "It's about Yu, if you must know! And how he is gone! And how I miss him!"

"So what? We all do! We all miss him! But we are still here! We cannot stop living our lives!"

"I knew you'd not understand..."

“But-! I… no…” His anger vanished. "Naoto.... Naoto, look at me."

She swallowed hard, willing herself to open her eyes. As she looked at him, he slipped out of his chair, walked to the stove to turn the range off, returned. He rounded the table and walked beside her, took her hands and slowly folded his legs in, tucking his feet under his butt as he knelt formally in front of her.

"Okay..." He licked his lips and stared at his hands engulfing hers nervously. Another far-away rumble was heard. "Damnit, I dunno how ta do this..." His eyes snapped up to her and he lifted his head, following his gaze to take her in. "I dunno what's goin' on, Naoto. For the last three to four months ya've been so ... so strange. No, uhm, not strange. Like, behavin’ a stranger."

"Estranged?" she supplied, frozen since he took her hands in his.

"Ah, yes, knew I was missin' a word. Estranged, yeah. An'... and the others said ta jus' wait... but I can't, Naoto, I _can't_ wait any longer. It's,,, it's like I feel... It's like your bein's hurt is inside of me, too? Like... like if ya have two puddles and wind blows over 'em, an' they both have the same ripples?"

Her eyes slowly widened. This was possibly the closest she had ever heard Kanji Tatsumi being to voicing philosophical thoughts. "Empathy," she whispered, "you are describing an empathic hurt..."

"Eer, sure, yeah. But... but I don't wanna feel ya pain anymore. 's not right."

She tried to tuck her hands away at his words. This had been one of her worries, and his words pushed them right back at her. "I am sorry. This is precisely why I craved distance. I am hurting you, and you deserve none of it-"

"NO!" His outburst came with a tight squeeze of her hands and she flinched. He seemed to not have noticed. "No, damnit, Naoto, I don't wanna dump ya, I wanna fix ya!"

"Fix me...heh. You cannot, Kanji-kun. Yu... I want Yu to..." She broke up with a shudder. She would not make herself admit it, not to him, not to anyone.

He waited, tilting his head. "Yes? Ya want me to what, Naoto?"

She actually had to chuckle. He had misheard senpai's name as a form of address. And suddenly, tears stung in her eyes. _Oh Yu-senpai... why... why did you... why did you make me fall in love if you did not want me?_ Naoto turned her head and shivered, forcing herself to not show the tears in her eyes to her classmate.

"H-Hey... Nao...to..." She heard his voice trail off, then felt him shift. He mumbled something about 'hates being hugged' and she felt her hands being lifted just a bit higher. Another distant noise was head, almost like a door banging shut this time. "Look at me... please... Naoto..."

She shivered, pinched her eyes shut hard to force away the remainder of her tears, then raised her head to look at him. Kanji knelt before her, one foot planted on the ground to balance himself; one knee touching the ground. Both of his large hands engulfed hers as he balanced his elbow on his knee. She simply watched him. If he asked her again, she knew she would tell him anything he wanted to know. Everything. And she knew it might break him.

"Let me help you, Naoto. I'm beggin' ya here. Lemme help ya with... with whatever. Everythin'. Anythin'. I don't know what is hurtin' ya so bad. if it's someone, I'll deck ‘em. If it's some _thing_ , I'll find a way to make it better. Whatever it is, Naoto, I _promise_ you... _whatever_ it is... I'll make it better. I'll always be there for ya. I'll always fight in your corner. I'll move heaven and earth for ya. Tell me. Tell me what I can do... Please."

She whispered, "You do not understand what it is you are asking of me... what it is you are proposing to do."

"He might not understand fully, no..."

Naoto's head snapped around, just as Kanji twisted where he knelt. His mother stood in the doorway to the kitchen and smiled gently. "I'm home. You two were busy and must not have heard me..."

Naoto tried to pull her hands away, knowing how easily Kanji flustered around his mother, but she looked at him in surprise when she did not move away from her. "Wel-Welcome home, Ma. Dinner's ready any minute, I think."

"Sounds delightful, but Amagi-san had given me something. The repair was simple, so I came home quickly." She gazed at the teenager's hands briefly, then tilted her head at Naoto. "Kanji-chan is a good host, I hope?"

The girl, knowing she could not remove her hands, nodded simply.

"Good. But, Kanji-chan, the rain isn't letting up. Please go and arrange a futon in the living room and ready the hearth. I will ask Naoto-kun to stay the night."

He very much jumped into action, thanking his mother and was half-way into the hallway when the older Tatsumi stopped him. "Please go to your room after that. I need to speak to Naoto-kun for just a few. I will call you for dinner once us girls are done chatting, okay?"

"Ah, s-sure, Ma, I'll, uh, I'll be ... I'll find Naoto somethin' ta sleep in."

With that, he dashed away and Naoto wished she had her hat to hide behind, as the older woman turned to her. The woman waited until the girl hesitantly turned her eyes upon her. “I see you are not fond of the idea of staying, Naoto-kun.”

Her eyes darted away again. “I… I am not.”

“When I mentioned earlier that I noticed that Kanji-chan is trying to take care of you, I did not say it, but I know he worries. And just now, he showed how deeply he cares.” Her eyes searched for something in the girl’s face. “Allow us to help you. I may not personally know you, but he speaks often of you. I know you are living on your own currently. And I can see you are unwell…”

“Tatsumi-san, you are kind, but I can manage on my own. I have for some time.”

“Of course you _can_ , child,” she replied, sounding almost amused. Naoto looked at the older woman and saw no mirth. “You can do a great many things, I am sure. But… can you allow yourself to take us up on our offer? Allow yourself to heal for a while, from whatever is hurting. It will allow you to be stronger on your own again.”

Naoto turned her head, hearing Kanji walk into his room and close the door. She swallowed, looking along the hallway. “Your son is kind. And I know he cares. But I cannot accept his advances.” She turned her head and looked at his mother. “And my staying her would only make matters worse for him.”

“Perhaps. And perhaps he can surprise you with his own strength. Now. Should we surprise him and set the table? Usually he does this, I want to see his face when he comes into the kitchen and us girls have prepared everything. The bowls are in that cupboard over there, and you’ll find the utensils…”

Naoto got up and followed the instructions of the elder Tatsumi. The weakness she knew she had for her motherly charms had been fully exploited and she found herself following the woman’s lead. Maybe, just this once, she could allow herself an evening of being in a family other than the Dojimas’.


	3. Chapter 3

 

Naoto ended up not sleeping much. The house felt unfamiliar, the scents were new - and still known - while the sounds from the street were much quieter than they were outside her apartment. The settling of the old house, the creaking now and again; none of it did brought restful sleep.

By four in the morning, she sighed and got up, getting dressed. Sneaking downstairs into the kitchen, she found there was already a light on and quiet sounds of someone moving about.

"Good morning, Tatsumi-san," she said softly as she entered.

"Oh! Naoto-kun? It is way too early to be up for you, child."

"I just... I couldn’t sleep, Tatsumi-san. One would think someone who is used to moving every few months for a new case would not have such a hard time falling asleep in the home of a classmate."

"Mhm, maybe. But I can understand why being here would cause your mind to wander. Sit, child, let me get you some tea. Would you like to have breakfast?"

"No, thank you. I rarely eat breakfast. But I would like some tea, yes." The woman gave her a smile and the blue-haired girl sat down. Toying with the collar of her school uniform, Naoto stared at the table for a few minutes. "I rarely have tea, either. I prefer a strong coffee in the mornings and then generally eat in the afternoon."

"You know," Kanji's mother provided, her back turned as she brewed up another cup, "that is not very healthy. A young, developing body needs good food."

The girl sighed softly. "I've never been much of an eater. It diverts time I could use better during other activates. If I can eat on the run, only the better." Her eyes focussed on the cup placed in front of her.

"Well, if we are lucky, and I think we may be, Kanji-chan might treat us to breakfast."

She looked up with a frown. "Kanji-kun?"

"As you noticed last night, he is quite the chef."

"Yes, well, it was good... but I know he enjoys sleeping in. Even on school days."

As if she had not heard the other comment, his mother smiled. "It was good, wasn't it? I remember you asking for seconds. I remember because I watched Kanji-chan serving you..."

Naoto sipped from her tea and let her mind drift back to last night's dinner.

 

_After Tatsumi-san had set out the dishes and food, she somehow had vanished without her notice. Naoto heard someone return and turned to face... Kanji. Who stood frozen in the doorway, gaping at her._

_"Ah..., Kanji-kun..." She remembered fidgeting, remembered him take a stumbling step and fully missed that he had, because his mother had given him a push from behind. She also missed the older woman setting out some pickled vegetables from the fridge and her sitting down._

_When Kanji's mind had finally reclaimed the now, he had pulled out a chair for Naoto, let her sit and began serving the food for her and his mother._

_The exchange during the meal revolved around their school work, plans for the upcoming Sunday off and private projects. Kanji blushed his way through his mother listing all manners of qualities, while Naoto struggled through the woman’s offers to pour more tea for her and her general attentiveness._

_She turned to Kanji and informed him that Naoto is a wonderful girl and she would enjoy her company more often; asked why he never invited her over. His eyes widened in horror and he tried several times to interrupt her, before Naoto gently stated that he had offered previously and she had declined, as she did not wish to be too closely involved with her class mates._

_That often his invitations had come after she had planned to spend time with Yu... that was not something for a dinner table conversation._

_Naoto also remembered how every now and again her focus shifted from the meal. Like when she added more savoury pickled ginger to her food, and she remembered Nanako happily telling her it was her father's favourite condiment. Or when she sipped tea, recalling that at the Dojima home, coffee was more a thing for evening conversations than tea._

_The family meal, while enjoyable - and, yes, she had requested seconds from Kanji - reminded her too strongly of times spend with Yu-senpai and his uncle and cousin. She felt the chain around her heart tighten several times as she watched Tatsumi-san embarrass Kanji, recalling how much Dojima enjoyed teasing his daughter._

_"You said you got Naoto-kun something to sleep in, Kanji-chan?"_

_"Y-Yes, ma, I put it on her futon in the living room."_

_"Thank you, son. Add a few towels as well, please, and draw a bath. I am sure Naoto-kun would enjoy some time for herself before bed."_

_Kanji flushed a spectacular shade of pink and scrambled away wordlessly. Naoto glanced at the elder Tatsumi, who smiled hugely into her tea cup. "I know you are not staying here fully on your own will, Naoto-kun, but I think this will be good for all of us. I enjoy having a guest now and again, Kanji certainly seems happy and after dinner, I suggest you pick up a book from the living room and settle down." Her eyes raised to her, the smile gone. "You look exhausted, child, and I wish you a good night of rest."_

 

The gentle voice of the elder Tatsumi brought her back into the present. "I am sorry you did not end up sleeping well. But, Naoto-kun?"

"Yes?"

The woman watched her quietly for a moment. "Even without enough rest, you look a bit better today, I would like to invite you to stay with us for a few days-"

"Tatsumi-san, really, I cannot impo-" Naoto tried to edge in.

"-just long enough for you to regain your balance. I am not sure what has thrown you off this badly, but I have never seen you like this. The first time we met, you were such a strong, captivating person. Way too mature in your manners to just be Kanji's age. And now you look fragile. It doesn't surprise me Kanji-chan is being so protective of you right now." She smiled at the girl. "You're pushing all his buttons at once, child."

The junior Shirogane blinked in confusion. "I am... Are you implying I am antagonizing Kanji-kun?" She frowned. "I had no intention of trying to be an annoyance or to aggravate him specifically..."

His mother looked at her with a carefully neutral expression on her face. "You... don't even notice it, do you?"

"No, and I am sorry if I am being a poor guest. I shall remove myself-"

"Ah-ah! I will not take a no for an answer here. In fact, I was hoping you'd let me call your Grandfather later today and arrange for a stay with us."

"He... I-I live by myself. The estate is several hours by train away..."

"You are by yourself, child? Oh, really, no, I can see you need someone near you right now."

The girl ducked her head. Were her thoughts of self-harm obvious to others? Her Shadow still listed it as the only clean option out of her situation, and she had, a few times now, considered the notion. As her eyes slid up to Tatsumi-san, she saw no fear, no pity. Only will to support her. Only ... what was it? Protectiveness? "I-I..."

"If you would rather not stay with us here, and I know Kanji-chan would love having you stay here for a few days just as much as I would love having you, could you at least consider staying with your Grandfather? ...why not?"

The girl had started to shake her head immediately. No. Not Grampa. She would surely tell him everything. She would have to confess to him that she had given her virginity to a boy who now was out of reach - and who not only still had her heart on a chain, but also seemed to be ensnared by Kujikawa. She would break his heart. Worse, she might cry in his presence, or Yakushiji would notice and tell him or... No. It was out of the question. "I cannot."

"Mhm." The protectiveness remained, even if it softened a little bit. "But would you then accept my request and stay here? Just to humour me?"

Naoto stared at the table and ran her fingers over the tea cup. She fought her thoughts into order, and felt herself failing this simple exercise rapidly. Why Kanji-kun's mother was so insistent on ... on what? Keeping her safe? They hardly knew one another. She had spoken with her maybe on a dozen of occasions, and most of these were while she was still investigating the murder case. Everything in Naoto felt like she wanted to bristle; push; dodge away. She had managed with the members of the investigation team... but not with Kanji and not with his mother.

"Mmph... Ma? N-Naoto?" Her head snapped up and she stared at Tatsumi-san wide-eyed. That was Kanji. And he was surprisingly close behind her. "Wacha two doin' up already?"

She turned her head to see him, in just his Pyjama bottoms. For some reason he was placing down a folding chair against the wall before leaning into the door frame, the _noren_ hanging half in his face. She snapped her head back and stared at the table.

"Oh, Kanji-chan, go back to bed, it's way too early..."

"M okay, ma. Why's Naoto all dressed?" His voice sank. "Ya... yer leavin' already." He did not phrase it as a question.

"I-I..."

"I am trying to convince her to stay with us for a few days. I think it would be good for all of us. You and I would worry a bit less, and Naoto-kun can stay at a safe spot and gather herself." She turned her head and smiled openly at the girl.

"If... if that is your wish..."

"Yes, Naoto-kun. It is. How about, after school, you and Kanji stop by your home and pick up a few things. Think of it as a long sleep-over. You get to stay here for a week and relax."

Seeking for an ally in her plight, she turned her eyes on Kanji... only to find his eyebrows raised and his lips parted slightly. His look was utter hopefulness for her to accept the offer and she knew she did not have the heart to turn him down - especially not as now she feared that her love for their senpai would sooner or later be something they would discuss. "Very well. I will go after class and collect some things."

"Tha-" He snapped his mouth shut, roughly clearing his throat to dislodge the squeak that had just escaped. "Tha's great, Naoto! Thank you..." He looked to his mother and his face lit up even more. "Thank you, Ma! I'll... I'll wash up and make breakfast!" He spun around and darted away, leaving his mother to chuckle and Naoto to wonder if she could eat food at twenty to five in the morning.

 

* * *

 

In her well-honed manner, Naoto managed to dodge everyone all day at school. Kanji had provided her with a bento before they left for class in the morning and she quietly nibbled her fried curry-onigiri in a secluded spot outside. He would see her a lot more now, no matter what she would try, so he seemed to leave her by herself for now.

As school let out, she found him lurking near the school gate, trying to hide his huge frame while not appearing too obvious. She tucked her cap down and walked close to him, muttered, "Let is proceed then," and kept walking.

She tried to set a brisk pace, finding he easily paced her as they walked along the riverside. Soon it would be June, the rainy season. She had in fact brought her umbrella along, as she had it the day before. Thankfully so, as now it started to dribble lightly. They both stopped, opened up each of their screens and Naoto shortened her step to avoid splashing water up her pant legs.

They had just walked by the pier on which she had watched Yu fish so often, when an unpleasantly shrill voice drawled, "So this is where I find you two!" Kujikawa skipped at them from under a tree and pushed herself under Kanji's umbrella.

Naoto pinched her eyes shut and tried to walk faster, the wind now tugging at the clear screen above her.

"Really lucky to run into you here. I have been meaning to talk to _you_ , missy!"

"I have no interest in speaking with you, Kujikawa-san."

"Ooooh, no interest, right. But yet, you are!"

"Do not be childish. I am simply replying to you so we are of an understanding. I have no desire for any further communication." With that, Naoto set her feet into motion again.

She felt someone dash after and grab her sleeve.

Naoto spun around and slapped the grasping hand away with her school bag. Furiously she stared at Kujikawa. "You would do well to not try that again. I might reply unkindly." Behind the idol, she saw Kanji set himself into motion, his own book bag clenched under the arm that held the umbrella.

The junior Shirogane turned away again, readying herself to once more repel a grasp or worse. She heard a high-pitched "Geez, Naoto-kun!", heard steps try to catch up to her, and then a shuffle. "Kanji! Let go! This needs to happen sooner or later and I told you!"

Still moving quickly, willing herself to outpace her rival, she heard his voice behind her. "Stop strugglin', Rise. Damnit, I said STOP! Leave her be. She ain't doin well an' yer makin' it worse. Will you STOP?"

The rain picked up and started to wash away their voices. Still, Kujikawa's super-girlie voice carried well still. "I'm not sure why you're trying to keep me away from her, but I need to talk to her. She needs go just _listen_!"

His reply was swallowed by the distance and rain, all she heard was a low rumble.

This was a chance, really. She could go home, close the door and be by herself.

She would be able to think. She'd not be tempted to try and explain to Kanji that his attentions come too late and Yu had won and locked away her heart months ago already, long before the ski trip, long before his advances at new year’s. She would hurt him, and if at all possible, she would like to try and simply slip away without anyone else noticing or being entangled.

By the time she had reached the bus, she had her phone out and called the estate. Her mind was made up. She had one last chance with Yu, one last thing that only she could do and Kujikawa would not be able to interfere in. As the call signal beeped and she waited to connect, she laid out the plan she had made to convince her Grandfather to switch schools to be closer to her senpai.

"Shirogane Estate, Yakushiji speaking."

"Yakushiji-san, this is Naoto. How are you?"

"Ah, good afternoon, Naoto-sama. I am well. I assume you wish to speak to your grandfather, yes?"

"Yes, please."

"Certainly. He was most pleased to hear your friendships are so well fostered. One moment, please."

_My friendships...? Did senpai call home perhaps, when he was unable to reach my mobile at some point?_

"Shirogane speaking. Naoto-kun?"

His gruff-but-kind voice washed over her and she felt herself relax into her seat more. "Grampa. Hello."

"Hello, dear. You don't need to ask permission; everything's been arranged already."

"Wh- ...how? I only just called to ask you to..."

"Tatsumi-san is a very eloquent and convincing woman," he chuckled softly, "she told me in no uncertain terms why you’re staying with them for the next two weeks was in fact a very solid idea. After listening to her reasons, I am inclined to trust her on the matter. She will await you later tonight. I've seen to it that you are not a burden on them, as she mentioned she feared that would be your greatest worry."

As she listened to him speak, a lump formed in her throat. She had forgotten. She had forgotten that she had given Kanji's mother the phone number to the estate before leaving this morning. Had forgotten the sleepy early-morning talk in which she had tried to list all the reasons why staying with the Tatsumi's was not a good idea. Had forgotten the smile and the kind 'Just let me speak to your grandfather and see what we can arrange' - and she had forgotten how all of this meant Kanji would learn about why she needed to avoid him.

"Dear? I'm sorry, you may be breaking up, I cannot hear you."

"Sorry, Grandpa... I... thank you. I am sure the Tatsumis will take good care of me. I am sorry I..." She swallowed. How to end this sentence? "I am sorry I could not handle myself."

"Dear, you have been away from home for a long time. Sometimes you need to invite someone to stay with you, or be invited to stay somewhere with friends, just so you can recharge your energies. The murder case in Inaba took much longer than either of us would have thought and if I had understood how complex it would grow to be, I would never have let you gone solo. I am the one who failed you, dear, not the other way around. I should have supported you better. But now you have been offered to get that support through friends. Take them up on it. There is no shame in needing downtime."

"Yes, Grandpa."

"That's my girl. Now, I sadly need to rush to prepare for a meeting tomorrow, but you will write to me in a few days. I burn to know what you think of your birthday present."

"Yes, Grandpa. My stop is coming up, too." Her phone vibrated. "And I think I just received a text message."

"Go take care of all that. I love you."

"Love you, too."

 

* * *

 

"'m really sorry."

"This was not your doing, Kanji-kun," Naoto replied, tight-lipped, watching him carry her rucksack for her week-long 'vacation'.

Since Grampa had already arranged everything, trying to evade it now would only make matters more awkward for her and the Tatsumis. She would do was had been suggested: Take the week to rest herself and then, refreshed, would be able to face Yu properly.

"Rise... she really wants ta talk ta ya."

"She has made that desire very clear."

Only a few more days till her birthday. The detective seethed. She had Yu. Did she have to add 'look, I am friends with the girl he rejects' to her list of accolades? She would not give her rival that kind of pleasure. She had so little left, could she not just leave her what pride she had?

"I... I think... Ngh." 

She looked up at the boy as he rubbed his neck. The rain had only gotten stronger and after their bus ride, they now walked with as much space as their two umbrellas needed, side-by-side. She couldn't see his face clearly, but he was frowning. "Pardon, Kanji-kun?"

He looked up the road to his house, then turned and pointed to the shrine. "Let's... just for a few, let's just sit an' talk, 'kay?"

She turned her steps and walked up the left side of the stairs. "Very well."

Rain always meant the shrine was nearly deserted. Now and again the fox would be out, watching the quiet road, but today she was not present. Yu had mentioned she had a littler of kits. With the cool, damp air, she was possibly curled up with them, keeping them warm. The image made Naoto smile a small melancholic smile. Some places in this world still held beauty.

Kanji let himself plop to the stairs, dropping her rucksack into a dry corner. He closed his umbrella and let it hang from the handrail along the stairs. As she watched, his frown grew before he lifted his gaze at her, still standing with her open umbrella in the rain. "C'mere..." He patted the stairs beside him. "Jus' for a few, please?"

Was he having some kind of problem with Kujikawa? Ever since he came back from talking to her, he had seemed tense. Naoto closed her umbrella, letting it hang as well and sat beside him. She took her cap off and kneaded it in her hands, suddenly feeling anxious.

"Yer still not gonna tell me, right?"

She knew he was looking at her. And she knew she could not trust her own voice. Naoto shook her head mutely.

"Yeah. Rise said ya wouldn’t."

Naoto growled. "Did she now?"

He huffed a sigh and shifted beside her.

The familiar hurt of loss bloomed inside of her again. _It is really rather pathetic. How much the loss of Yu hurts. I feel like an addict who had been cut off from their source of stimulant._

"Yeah, she did. Also said yer not tellin' he some stuff because yer tryn'a be nice or some nonsense."

This gave her pause. Had Kujikawa seen through her behaviour? She must have. But why would she care? She had secured Yu, for now, she should not... Maybe she realised he was not actually _secured_? If Naoto could win his affections back, if she managed to indeed follow him and lure him back to her; if she could set her plans into motion... Maybe she is frightened and finally sees Naoto as a proper rival for Yu's affections?

That would of course also mean Yu must have mentioned her at some point. Did Kujikawa know something she needed to know?

He tried again. "Maybe..." She turned her head and looked up at Kanji. "Look, tell me if it's a dumb idea, but maybe she can come over to my place tomorrow. We can do homework together an'-"

"No." Naoto crossed her arms on her knees and let her chin sink forward.

"I'm jus' sayin', Naoto. I think she needs ta talk with ya." She let his words hang in silence. He would drop it. He never pushed her. ...except maybe today. "She said she can help ya." Naoto huffed a humourless laugh. Kanji sighed. "An' if ya talk at my place, I can kick her out if she gets to ya."

At this Naoto lifted her head again and looked up into his small, grey pupils. "Why do you think there is anything at all I would wish to discuss with her?"

"Iunno, Naoto, but she seems desperate to talk to ya. Said earlier if ya don't, she worries for what could become. I've no idea what she means, but... look, I think she's as worried as most of the guys are."

She was upset. Upset he would try to interfere on Kujikawa's behalf. Upset that he would try to pit her against her nemesis like this. She was also upset that he was actually pushing her. He never pushed her. It was one of the reasons...

Actually, that was not correct. She thought of the lunches, which had bought her respite from having him follow her around. And now staying at his home, even if that had seemingly been his mother's doing. They did push, but never this directly.

Still. It left her... prickly. "As worried as the guys, huh? _You_ are not worried then?"

She watched as he reached out a hand and froze as he gently pulled his fingertips over her shoulder. "'m terrified. I ain't never seen ya like this," he whispered. His hand jerked back and he cleared his throat. His voice still shook, but was stronger when he continued. "They ain't as scared as I am, Naoto. I need ta help ya. An' if that means ... if that means lettin' Rise say her piece, then I'm asking ya to listen to her." He shifted, leaning down towards her. "Look, tha's all I'm askin'. Listen to her. An'... an' if ya can't, then leave. Go to your room, close the door, I'll kick her out. I'll be there, Naoto. I think something's up, I _know_ something's up, and I'll not let ya get hurt by Rise or the senpai or anyone. For me... would you listen to 'er?"

Naoto swallowed at the sudden lump in her throat. _For your sake, Kanji-kun? What about my sake? What about my wishes in this?_ _What different would it make if you are the one asking?_

"I need to help ya, Naoto," he continued, "an' if Rise's right and she can tell ya something ya need ta know... I gotta ask ya to try."

Hesitantly, she placed a hand on his knee and felt him tense up at once. "Kanji-kun... What… what if what she has to say would hurt you?"

She watched as he put a shivering, cold hand on hers. _Kanji-kun's hands are never cold, he always boasts about being 'toasty'..._ "If it helps you, Naoto. I'll take that, too." He gave her hand a soft squeeze and pulled back, resting is elbows on his thighs. "I'll do whatever it takes to get ya through ...whatever."

She pulled her own hand away and stared at the rain. "I would really rather not speak to her. I doubt she has anything of value to share with me."

"Then we'll do our homework and I'll kick her out. Okay?" They turned to one another at the same time and Kanji gave Naoto the tiniest of smiles. "Please. I'll be there ta make sure she won't go overboard, okay? Please..."

She tugged her cap down with a frown. "If... if you insist."

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

Dinner that night was vegetable tempura that Kanji insisted on preparing himself. Naoto in turn withdrew to the living room with a book, wanting to be by herself for a while.

 She had been by herself for about ten minutes, when a soft knock sounded from the open door.

 "Yes, enter?"

 Tatsumi-san crossed the threshold, closing the door behind her with a small smile. "Kanji-chan is cooking still and he just kicked me out of the kitchen, saying I was in his way. You wouldn't mind a refugee knitter?"

 Naoto had to smile. "Not at all." She scooted over by the low table to make room and tried to find her line again, bending over her book. She barely noticed the woman settling in beside her, but soon the steady click-clicking of her knitting needles added to the low white noise of the evening street from outside the window.

 "You still would rather not be here," the woman stated minutes later, seemingly concentrating on her knitting.

 The girl paused, a finger resting on the page. "I..." Naoto frowned unseeing at the pages before her. "I should not be here."

 "Why?" The question came gently, carried along with the soft clicking of knitting needles.

 "Please understand,” she started softly, “it is not that I do not enjoy my stay. Both you and your son are outstanding hosts. And I understand both of you wish to... You seek that I would confide in you." There was an affirmative noise beside her. Naoto let her eyes slide sideways, only to find the woman focussed on counting the last row she had wrought. She turned back to the book and took a small breath. "Kanji-kun... I do not think he should hear what is actually troubling me."

 She looked up now, turning her head, but the woman simply knitted calmly. "You've noticed him then?"

 "Not in the way he hopes. I... I am in love with someone else."

 "Ah." The sadness in his mother's voice was almost thick enough to touch. "I see."

 "And therein lies the problem for me as well." She tried to sort her thoughts, looking at the closed door. Tatsumi-san had created a space for them alone, as if she wanted to make room for their conversation. Had seen, perhaps had heard, Naoto's hesitation to speak to Kanji.

 Thinking about it, she was possibly the only one Naoto could possibly address with any of this. She had no direct stake in her behaviour, had no call on her morals, did not need to bring in her own desires in any of what Naoto's thoughts were.

 The junior Shirogane reached for her water glass and drank before speaking. "Tatsumi-san... if I impose on you with this matter, please let me know. But if you truly offer to lend an ear-"

 Here the needles stopped and that troubling, motherly smile re-appeared. "I absolutely do. You are a wonderful person, Naoto-kun. And Kanji cares deeply for you. In turn, I care for you. Please. Speak your mind."

 The girl nodded into her drink. "Thank you. I... I have lacked some guidance. You see... I have brought myself into a hurtful situation. And I am… I am failing to cope." She looked up and noticed the older woman running her fingers over the loops as if counting again; then continued to add yarn to the needles, listening to her. "Kanji-kun had mentioned our senpai, Yu? Yes, of course he would have." She sighed at the nod. "I... I got myself involved with him. He and I worked on a private matter of mine and we grew closer. During one encounter with someone he assumed was armed, he jumped forward to guard me. He later claimed he did so, because he ...l-loved me."

 Naoto pinched her eyes shut as her voice hitched. She drained her glass before setting it back on a small coaster with a shiver. "And while I fought the notion at first... I decided that maybe it had been meant to come this way. He had encouraged me to be more feminine. Change how I speak. Dress differently. Adjust my behaviour for him and those around me. At first I thought it was somewhat presumptuous of him... but still I felt myself adjusting who I was for him."

 "You wanted him to find you attractive," she older woman supplied, her voice even and calm.

 The girl ran a hand over her blue hair as she hesitated a moment, but nodded to herself finally. "...yes. I wanted him to see the changes I made for him. To see how I changed, to see me as a woman. See me in a way no one else had. It felt... I... I felt _special_ with him. The more I changed, the more I saw his approval at my changes. Then, last Christmas..." She trailed off and swallowed, her mouth suddenly dry.

 The silence slowly grew thick around them. From the kitchen below Naoto heard the quiet noises of Kanji working. Here with her, his mother let her needles click away steadily, adding sound like a patient metronome.

 It was the older woman who filled the gap after a soft breath. "It's quite alright, child. These things can happen. And he changed after?"

 She hung her head and nodded.

 "Also, sadly, not uncommon."

 "But he said he loved me," the girl supplied in a tiny voice.

 "And he might have. Or he might have flunked it. But does it matter?"

 The detective was not sure if her hearing was working right. She looked up and blinked slowly. "But does it-? Of... of course it would matter... I would have let him use me!"

 "No, dear child." The knitting sank into the woman's lap slowly and she reached a hand across. Naoto hesitated it, but the motherly gesture spoke to her, made her move forward and hold on to the offered hand tightly. "You would have fallen in love and spend some time in a romance with a young man. You would have been happy in the time you had and given yourself to him with all your heart. And now he is gone and you no longer-"

 "I still love him, Tatsumi-san." She sat back, her hand slipping away again. "There is a hole in my chest since he left, and... and..." She shook her head and crossed her arms, the book sliding to the floor, forgotten. "I was so foolish. I have since seen he had won the affections of other girls. Some of whom... may have once been my friends. One in particular may still hold his-his...i-interest."

 "Oh child..." The offered hand twitched, as if trying to reach once more, before it was slowly withdrawn. "That, sadly, also will happen."

 "I cannot accept he would have lied to me about his love for me. If I were to accept that, this would validate my fears."

 "Which fears?"

 Naoto stared quietly at the ground before her; feeling her throat close up slowly; feeling each breath hurt once more. "That I turned out to be undesirable. That, no matter how I try, I cannot be wanted by a man. If he loved me, and I lost his love so easily, then it would mean..."

 She looked up as the woman moved and pushed herself in her field of vision slowly, her knitting dropped to the table. "Naoto-kun. Not everyone is alike. What you describe sounds, well... it sounds as though I would rather not meet your senpai in a situation where I could exchange frank words with him. But your conclusion in this isn't all there is to men. I am sure most of us will encounter someone in our lives who will take our love and leave with it, not having a care what happens to us after. And it is cruel and hurtful and I will not lie to you - it will take someone to fully accept you to recover from this again or a long time to think on this for yourself. There will not be an easy fix for this."

 "Before senpai, no one ever looked at me in _that_ way. No one ever reached out to touch me in the same way he did."

 "It will happen, Naoto-kun. You are a smart, beautiful young woman. Before you know it, someone will wish to be noticed by you."

 She closed her eyes, fighting the urge to roughly reply to the praise. Moreover, just as she was about to give a better, politer response, a voice called out from downstairs.

 "Ma? Naoto? We're ya at? Dinner's ready and gettin' cold, damnit! No-one likes soggy, old tempura!"

 His mother smiled at Naoto. "Looks like my son is worried his cooking might not impress if we wait too long. Let's go."

 

* * *

 

A few days later found Naoto pacing the Tatsumi kitchen after school.

‘It’ll be okay’, Kanji had assured her as they prepared for the joint study session she had allowed him to talk her into. ‘It’ll be okay’, he repeated, as she once more told him this was a bad idea. 'It'll be okay', he had said once more just before he left the house. That was about ten minutes ago now. Naoto had since paced the kitchen, feeling immensely anxious.

 She still did not want this, not really. Yes, being on more cordial terms had made sense when Kanji explained to her that, yes, they would still ned to be able to go to school together and, yes, they still lived in the same town and, no, just having a fight without good reason was ‘dumb’.

 Only… the detective was still not able to give him her actual reasons for the problem at hand. She was not interested in Rise's gloating, in her take on the situation or whatever she might have to say. In the end, she was so self-centred she possibly only wanted her to show up at her birthday as a prize, something to show off as defeated. A trophy. An enemy left behind.

 The junior Shirogane stood behind a tall-backed chair at the western-style table and clutched at it; her knuckles standing our white against her skin.

 She had agreed to this in the end simply because Kanji had asked her two days ago, not because she wanted this confrontation. She felt like she owed him... something. She was more and more certain that he held some interest in her; that he wanted something that was not simply covered by her friendship alone. Something about that made the unease about staying in the Tatsumi household flare up, heaping into her like flash-frozen water.

 Naoto also had masterfully ignored her Grandpa saying _two weeks_ while they were on the phone. It seemed their respective guardians had decided that what was needed for her well-being was a fairly long break. The main reason she had even agreed to it was her promise to Grampa to return home if she needed to - and she could not face him with her problems concerning Yu. It had taken a lot for her to even admit her situation to Tatsumi-san, and she was fairly certain that had only come to be because she had no defence against her warm, motherly ways.

 Through all of this, however, she still felt a thread of thankfulness. A nightmare the previous day had shown her what could have happened, if not for the intervention of the Tatsumis. Her Shadow, tauntingly pointing out to her that the reason she found for living had turned out to be a fluke and what really was left now? It offered Algernon once more, and left her with two bullets. In this dream, she had cried, accepted her Shadows' logic and accepted the weapon, pointing it at herself and-

 The nightmare had caught her off-guard, really. Since she had started to spend the nights in the Tatsumi household, the dreams had been fleeting and brief, unclear, and easily forgotten. Her Shadow still seemed restless, but it no longer dominated her every movement. That they had managed to regain lost footing to the point where her sleep was disturbed again was worrying her.

 Her nightmares were much more real now, as parts of her nightmares returned in physical form.

 "I'm home!" she heard Kanji call out, followed directly by Kujikawa announcing herself.

 Naoto clenched her hands to the backrest of the chair and set her frown on the math book in front of her. "Welcome home," she mumbled, hardly audible.

 "I brought snacks," the idol trilled, happily unpacking her bags. "I made sure some of them aren't _too_ junky."

 "I doubt the core reason of this gathering is to spoil our appetite for dinner." Naoto crossed her arms now, and shifted her glare to the bags of savoury snacks.

 She could practically hear the idol's eye roll. "No, Naoto-kun, the core reason-"

 "Let me fix us some tea," Kanji jumped in, loudly stomping to the cooking range and tinkering with the water kettle.

 Naoto watched them. Saw Kanji jump in, noticed the glare it got him from Rise, the warning in his eyes as he stared the twin-tailed dervish down.

 He did precisely what he has said he would. He would moderate them, keep matters civil and orderly. She saw him gaze at her, a question in his eyes. She swallowed, nodded and sat down. He was trying to make this work; she would not sabotage him.

 "Kanji-kun mentioned that the recent course caused both of you some issues, so I thought we should review the basics. That should allow everyone to catch back up with the current coursework." She pulled the book closer and opened the pages she had bookmarked for the session.

 Rise huffed, but made to sit down next to Naoto.

 "Ah, that... tha's my spot, Rise," Kanji said, jumping closer. "Sorry, the other Chairs all have a dink or two from my breakin' 'em."

 The cobalt-haired girl shot him a surprised look. A bold-faced lie, and he blushed furiously while delivering it. But if Kujikawa had noticed, she did not call him out for it.

 "Okay~" she drawled, smirking, "Of course, I don't even want _your spot_ , Kanji-kun."

 The way she had emphasised that sentence seemed a bit weird to Naoto, but she decided she would not seek out any taunts from the Idol. This afternoon was supposed to be about their lessons and to 'mend some things' as Kanji had said. And on this, she would focus.

 By the time he brought over the tea and Rise had opened several of the snacks and passed out bowls, Naoto actually had managed to bring herself into the mental state fitting for the role of a tutor.

 

* * *

 

It barely lasted thirty minutes.

After a number of snide comments and cutting remarks, Naoto closed her eyes and took a few shuddering breaths. Up until just then, she had managed to overlook a lot of things. Ignored a lot of things. But now she was starting to touch in matters that did not concern anyone but _her_ and Kanji was the last person she wanted involved in any of this. Nevertheless, he had made himself a target for the idol's anger and the detective was rapidly losing her already limited patience. “Rise-san, I have no idea what you are implying.”

 Kanji gave one of his trademark glowers at the idol and very quietly rumbled out her name in an almost threatening tone.

 “You know what?” the twin-tailed auburn girl said, tossing her pen down. "No! She knows very well what I am talking about, Kanji-kun," Rise snarled at the boy, "and she' can't run away from me forever!"

 He curled one hand into a fist and stared at his note book. "She ain't runnin', damnit! She's _right here_ , not that you seem to have noticed, and tryin'a help you an' me with maths! Rise, you _promised_ you'd take it at her pace!"

 "Well, I'm bored, and playing make-believe is stupid!"

 The junior Shirogane rose to her feet slowly, closing her book as she did. "Kanji-kun," she said softly, allowing the idol to rant over her, "I am quite fatigued after today. I will go read for a bit. I trust you and Rise-san can continue working based on the examples I gave you earlier."

 With that, she had started to walk away. She had barely cleared the table when someone clutched at her arm. "No, Naoto-kun, wait!"

 She stood frozen for a moment, then turned, unable to contain her hate any longer. Glaring at the other girl, she snarled, "I only agreed to even being in the same room with you outside of school because I had been asked politely. I had made it quite clear I did not wish for this. You have since used your time to taunt me or, worse, be rude to our host. I will not be part of any further insults, Kujikawa-san. _Release my arm._ "

 Kanji, who had frozen up as well, now jumped up, trying to reach for Rise's hands. "No!" She yanked and suddenly Naoto found herself in an embrace. "NO! You're- You're so stubborn!" Small hiccups shook the idols' chest and Naoto tried to roughly push herself out of the hug. She could dislodge herself by use of simple Aikido, but it would neither seem very dignified, nor was throwing the other girl really an option in the small kitchen.

 Strong hands were forced between her and the idol and Kanji pulled Rise away. The auburn-haired girl tried to make one more grasp at Naoto, missed and the junior Shirogane turned, stalking away to the stairs. Behind her she heard what sounded like a very frustrated and very muffled scream. A quick look over her shoulder showed her a rather helpless-looking blonde, his arms flung open and held away from the girl who crushed herself against his chest, as if seeking an embrace. With a small snarl, Naoto turned to walk outside instead of going up to 'her' room. She left the house to clear her head with a walk.

 

* * *

 

Kanji found her about two hours later sitting on the stairs just outside the shrine. He stopped when their eyes met, sighed a deep breath and walked over, sitting down beside her. Naoto noticed his accelerated breathing and turned her head to look up at him.

 "Been runnin' through town for an hour. Heh. Yer forgot ya phone at home, I tried callin' and when I couldn't reach ya, I grew worried..."

 Naoto turned her head and stared at the ground again. "I see. You went looking for me then."

 "Yeah."

 "I am sorry to have worried you."

 "'s okay. 'm used to it." While he smiled as he said it, Naoto could hear the pain of truth in his voice.

 They sat in the silence for some time after this. Naoto saw him move now and again, as if he wished to slide closer, or as if he wanted to reach out to her, hold her hand.

  _'Have you noticed him?'_ his mother's voice echoed in her mind softly as she kept her gaze on the boy’s fingers twitching restlessly.

 Yes. She had. She had noticed his care. Noticed his kindness. Noticed how his behaviour changed when he noticed she was around. But she only had after she had fully given herself to Yu-senpai. She felt embarrassed at the young tailors' advances now; felt uneasy whenever she was near him; she even worried that Yu might reject her if he thought she allowed Kanji Tatsumi too close.

 "She said it again. That she knows and that you won't tell me because you are a good person."

 Naoto blinked and turned her head, gazing up at the tall boy beside her. "Pardon?"

 "Rise. Said ya won't tell me what's botherin' ya because ya think yer bein' kind or some such. An' no matter what I'll do, ya won't tell me before she talks to ya."

 Kujikawa truly was trying to force her hand in this matter it seemed. But she would not. If the only thing she did right in all of this was this _one_ matter – she would not add to Kanji Tatsumi’s hurt. Being unobtainable certainly was bad enough already. He did not need to find out about the senpai he respected so, or that she was still planning to be with the grey-haired boy over the bleached blonde. "She is merely trying to manipulate you. She feels that if you share a common interest, you will do as she asks of you."

 "Yeah, well, it won't work." He turned to look at her with slow, heated anger glowing in his eyes. "She broke her promise ta me. She said she wouldn't make ya angry. And she broke her word." Something creaked and Naoto shifted her eyes to his lap, where Kanji's right hang gripped his left fist tightly. "She ain't gonna be botherin' ya again. I told her she ain't welcome near you... Not's long as I'm around."

 The detective's eyes widened and she slowly gazed up at him again. "But... you two are friends," she said weakly.

 "Can't be friends if I can't trust her promise."

 Both of them turned to gaze at the ground then.

 She wasn't sure how to talk to him after this. She knew he and Kujikawa had been friends pretty much since they met. The auburn-haired girl teased him a lot, sure, but he felt protective of her. She had seen him more than once pretending to be interested in her, just to scare off some Risetteer who couldn't take 'No' for an answer. And now he had barred this friendship up. For her sake.

 A hand appeared in her field of vision and she turned to see him standing, reaching out to her. "Let's go, ya? Ma'll be thinking I'm stuffing my face at Aiya and I'll not hear the end of it."

 Naoto took his hand and let him pull her up, smiling a fragile little smile. "Do not worry, Kanji-kun. I shall provide your alibi."


	5. Chapter 5

 

 

"We're home!"

 “Sorry for disturbing you…”

 "Welcome home, children. Wash up, dinner is ready any moment.

 Naoto felt exhausted. She was spent and after quick-marching about town for an hour. Part of this exhaustion was from her anger over Rise, but part of it must also have been her body protesting the unwelcome exercise.

 As such, she did not notice that she simply followed Kanji-kun into the bathroom. They stood side-by-side at the sink after she nudged him aside so she could take the soap from him.

 "Eer... Naoto?"

 "Mhm?"

 "... ah... 's nothin'..." Kanji dried his hands and passed her the towel. "I'll see if Ma needs help. See ya downstairs."

 She just nodded, watching her hands as she dried them. By the time he had left the small bathroom it finally hit her that she had been sharing the bathroom with him. The girl squeaked, jerking upright. Sure, it was only to wash hands, but she had simply walked in with him. Casually. As if it was the most normal thing in the world. _I must be more exhausted than I realised._

 After splashing some cold water in her face, she, too, joined the Tatsumis in their kitchen.

 "Ah, Naoto-kun. Good evening. Do you feel better?"

 "Feel better?" She shifted her eyes to Kanji, who suddenly seemed surprisingly busy with his back turned to her.

 "Kanji-chan mentioned that you had stepped outside because you were not feeling well. He went looking for you because he was wor-"

 "Ma!"

 She turned to her son. "Don't shout, dear." Her smile was still in place when she turned back to Naoto "Well _, I_ think he was worried. _He_ thinks he was not." With a small chuckle, she went to the fridge to pull some items out and hand them to her son. "Take this to the table and sit, dear, I'll bring the rice."

 Naoto had not yet sat down, instead waiting for Kanji. When he turned, his eyes quickly found hers, then flicked to the floor. The table. The dishes in his hands. Back to her. "'s shabu-shabu tonight. Ya like that?"

 She nodded. "Grampa does not ask for it often, but I enjoy it when in good company, yes."

 "Good. Ma's _nabe_ is really good." He fidgeted and looked around, trying to not make eye connect with her. "M-Ma makes real pretty stuff with the pot, you'll see..." With that he placed two plates on the table besides the small electric pot. Curiously Naoto inspected them. She found one containing thinly sliced meat, the other thinly sliced... whitish-translucent somethings?

 Naoto turned to be seated. "What is this?"

 His mother was the one to answer. "Oh, those are sliced scallops. I like a bit of seafood with my broth. You are not allergic, are you?"

 "No, as I mentioned previously, I do not have any food allergies. May I try some as well? I only remember ever having meats in shabu-shabu."

 Tatsumi-san chuckled. "You are a part of my family so long as you are under my roof, child. Of course you may."

 Woman and girl both ignored as Kanji seemed to choke on his swig of hot tea.

 "There's also tofu, but I wanted to use it for tomorrow's' dinner - unless you'd prefer...?"

 "No, this will be wonderful, thank you."

 

* * *

 

 

The blue-haired girl enjoyed the evening meal, having a mock-argument with Kanji over some of the _enoki_ mushrooms (and relenting, she did not care that much for the small fungi); she chatted lightly with his mother about one of the less gruesome cases she helped with not too long ago and discussed with her how they could better secure their store against vandalism or break-ins.

 Kanji was quiet throughout most of their talk, only getting more animated at the thought of anyone trying to harm his mother or damage the store.

 The girl also noticed how frequently his mother would back her up. She would shut Kanji down if he tried to interrupt Naoto. She would give him glances when he spoke highly of his classmate and seemed to catch hints of the argument the teens had earlier that day. When Kanji, quite quietly, asked her to not ask any further, she very quickly stopped pressing the matter and quickly changed the subject.

 All in all, it was until after their meal, until after the dishes were done and until after the Tatsumis had retired to their respective rooms before Naoto had time to think about Rise Kujikawa again.

 Not that she had wanted to. She did not. She could not care less.

 But she felt anxious for other reasons.

 At this point in time, she stood between the friendship Kanji and Rise had. And whichever reasons Kanji had to favour Naoto over Rise, so long as the junior detective remained, the young tailor would pick sides in this matter.

"I wish you had not involved yourself, Kanji-kun," she whispered. A floorboard creaked outside and a soft knock came at her door. _Speak of the devil...?_ "Yes?"

 The door opened slightly, but the shadow in the door frame was much, much smaller than Kanji's. "Oh, darling, you didn't have to answer if you were already dressed for bed!"

 Noto smiled and tucked her legs up a bit. "It is quite all right, Tatsumi-san. What can I do for you?" Part of her would have been disappointed if his mother had not stopped by on this night as well. So far, the elder Tatsumi had visited her every night, even if briefly, and offered to talk. Some days Naoto had taken her up on the unspoken offer. Others they had simply been in the same room, each following their own chosen entertainment. Naoto had grown to enjoy the ritual during her previous evenings and she would enjoy it tonight just as much.

 "Oh, I just wanted to spend some time with someone and my son seems to not feel very social tonight. But you are about to go to bed..."

 "No, I actually came to the living room to take out a book. You would not disturb me. Please, enter."

 The woman smiled, entered and closed the door behind her again. Both settled in around the table and quiet came once again.

 A rhythmic whirring came through the wall and Naoto looked up in surprise.

 Kanji's mother chuckled softly. "I knew something was bothering him. That's his sewing machine. Kanji-chan does not use it often these days, as most of his projects tend to be small, but he may be working on a new shirt or the likes. He picks up larger projects when something bothers him." The entire speech was delivered without a single glance in Naoto's direction, her knitting supplying a much slower ticking to contrast with the mechanical noises from the adjacent room.

 And even though not a single word has been said to imply otherwise, Naoto was certain she heard an unspoken question.

 But what could she say?

 She supplied a non-committal sound and picked up her book again. But her eyes rested on the pages, unseeing.

 All things considered, Kanji had been friends with Rise longer than she had held a bond with the boy herself. Even if Rise's teasing in the past had been true; that he had 'always been moon-eyed' over her (a clear exaggeration); then she would still not be someone who would be able to compete with the friendship these two held.

 She needed to get away. If anything, staying at this house had made this clearer to her. She needed to follow Yu. The two of them were the outsiders that caused the harm in this town. If she had met Yu back in the city, so much hurt could have been avoided. For everyone. Rise-san would not be in the equation, Kanji Tatsumi would have a calm, quiet life without obsessing over her... everything would be easier. Clearer. Cleaner.

 Naoto also felt that she could not be in the way of friendships or cause more strife. Leaving now would still place the battle for Yu ahead of her, but she won his admiration before; surely she could once again. And Kanji-kun and Rise-san could patch up. If the way she had hugged him meant anything, she had her eyes on him, too. She could get Yu and be happy; Rise-san could secure Kanji for herself. It would work out wonderfully.

 "If you'd like to tell me of your fight earlier today, Naoto-kun... Kanji-chan spoke a bit with me earlier."

 The girl lifted her head and glanced at the knitting woman beside her. "You talked?" she asked softly. "About what? There was... It was simply..." The excuses and lies she wanted to line up died one by one on her tongue as the motherly gaze of Tatsumi-san came to rest on her.

 "Let's see. He said Rise-chan and you have had a fight, but he does not know how or about what. He also said it had something to do with your feeling unwell." The woman lowered her knitting. "Kanji-chan does still not know about your senpai, I take it." It wasn't a question, but the girl nodded anyways. "That was what I thought..." She paused thoughtfully. "He also said that he had made a deal with Rise-chan to 'not be a pain in your ass', as he put it, and that she then broke her word. He was very upset after he had taken her back home."

 A long silence followed, which was filled by the hum of the sewing machine one door over and, after a while, by the clicking of knitting needles close by her.

 "One of the other girls of Yu-senpai I mentioned," Naoto started softly, halting the clicking. "R-Rise-san... she... when he left on the train, she shouted out that she loved him. And he ... he smiled at her. So ... so fondly..." Naoto swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the forming lump in her throat. "She... she took... she took him. In the last moment, she secured him... she raised that there was a love the others would not have expressed for him and she..."

 She fought down the tremble and sniff that tried to claw up its way into her throat.

 Quite gently, she felt a hand rest on her back. Tatsumi-san did not look at her, but she slowly stroked Naoto's back, giving some small physical comfort. Naoto allowed herself to hunch forward and soak in the gentle touch.

 With that warm, motherly voice, Tatsumi-san spoke to her. "It makes so much more sense now. I think I understand why Kanji is so upset. He must have found out that you girls are having a very serious issue. And being who he is, he went with his own loyalties."

 "His loyalties?" the girl croaked around her constricted throat.

 "It is as he told you. He would never choose to hurt you. And knowing you hurt, knowing there is a problem between you girls, he chose your side. Because that is what he promised."

 "I do not wish for him to take sides. His friends are his."

 "Certainly. And with these friends, he decided some of them are more important to him than others."

 "But I might damage his-"

 "No, Naoto-kun," his mother interjected gently, patting her back before withdrawing her hand, "you are not doing anything. Kanji-chan is. He is making these decisions. And none of this means it cannot change. Living means change. Maybe he will stick by you and never speak to Rise-chan ever again. Maybe he will find a way to reconcile things. But whatever is happening, it will be his going. It will be his choice. All you should worry about, dear child, are your own friendships. And one of these friendships is to the boy in the next room." She leaned forward, trying to catch the girl's eye. "Just worry about how your friendship with him will evolve. And do not worry about anyone else in that picture at this time. I promise - it will all work itself out in the end."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter... will have the wonderful Ikasury as my co-author again. 
> 
> Y'see...  
> Proud as a peacock I presented her with my wonderful raw version (unedited, not yet fluffed up etc) of 'chapter ten' (the next chapter) and told her how I think I finally found a way to get the talking-to Naoto needs so we can proceed in the direction the good end needs to.  
> ...Uhm. It didn't go over too well with Ika reading it, being off-put on how I had Rise corner Naoto, said I was too rough, said I didn't get Rise's voice right (*pfft* NO ONE gets Rise's voice right compared to YOU, Ika-chii, damn you), said in parts I made Yu sound rape-y (0_0 totally not my intention, that), that she had thought the Tatsumi's would have worn Naoto down a bit more by now...  
> Let's just say it ended up with her saying 'So you are trying to hurt Naoto AGAIN?! Okey, find *takes away Wishy's toys* '
> 
> SO, next chapter will be delayed while Ika and I colab build on her pitch. Which is better than mine. Damn that woman.  
> I live ya, Ika.


	6. Chapter 6

 

After class, Kanji had already left, off to do whatever it was he needed to do for their senpai. Naoto packed up her material, made sure she had copied down their days' assignments and left after a cautious glance down the hallway. No one waited for her, not that she had really expected it. "Paranoid now, Shirogane?" she muttered to herself and turned towards the stairs leading to the roof.

 She walked the perimeter once, found herself alone - not that it surprised her, the air hung thickly with dark clouds bound to rain any second - and she found herself a spot near the piping to lean against. The potential rain wasn't enough to bother her, but she did question her choice still. Work with paper would be a poor choice, if it started raining as she didn't want ink to run or the paper to look scruffy after being wet. She had a book on her, but it was loaned from the Tatsumis and not something she would wish to damage with moisture.

 In the end, she pulled out her phone and resumed flipping through her recent searches for apartments in the city.

The door opened softly but Naoto ignored it, assuming it to simply be more students milling about. While it wasn’t favourable, as she’d picked this spot to avoid the student body, if they kept to themselves - and she made it abundantly clear she was in no mood to deal with others - they would likely be gone before she looked up from her phone. There were a few choice apartments but the locations were questionable. Those would need to be looked into, along with pricing-

“Aww, c’mon girls, can’t I help out?” that was vaguely familiar.

“No! Now get back in there, Hanamura! Girls only! I told you before!” there was a scuffle and the sound of stressed hinges as the door was forced closed, along with some male squeal, “Jeez, bad enough-!!”

“Oh let it go, Senpai, he’s fine,” now _that_ voice had Naoto’s shoulders immediately hiking up. “Just wanting to help anyway he can after all…”

“Tch, I know, but he's already got a job here. Two, if we don't hurry it up,” Chie grunted, crossing her arms, “Just like I said, bad enough-” she waved her hand with a tight frown, “ _This_.” Then turned to the side with a pout, “Like he’s always gotta be around… jerk.”

“Hehe,” Rise just tittered to herself, lightly covering her mouth with her hand before turning to her other comrade, “By the way, Yukiko-senpai, I thought you were handling our _other_ problem?”

“Hm,” the pristine Amagi heiress gave the barest shrug, “I am, I always swore I’d get Kanji-kun into the sewing club before I graduated, now seemed like a good time to get him introduced to the new teacher…”

“You’re scary sometimes, you know that Yuki,” the sporty girl just sighed.

Her friend just continued to smile as if not hearing the comment, “The teacher informed me they’d want a showing of his skills, seeing he wants to join up this late in the semester, so that should give us about twenty minutes.”

“Excellent!” Rise practically skipped in her spot, tapping her fingers together with a wide grin before turning heel and smiling directly at Naoto. Something warped, something sinister.

Naoto just glared back the best she could. There was no way they thought she didn’t hear any of that. If anything it was probably staged, but even that brought about a question as to why? – _Yosuke-senpai is most probably at the door, those three stand between me and my escape, I could remove them if necessary… but…_ \- It would look bad if she injured another student, especially on school property, even if it was self-defence as this was clearly going to be some manner of assault on her person.

“Aww, your hair is already standing on end Naoto-kun~” Rise tittered, skipping over with her hands behind her back as if the idol were harmless.

Naoto knew better. This girl had already done a lot of damage to her with only a few words, who knew what she could do given the right resources. For now, the best defence the young detective had was to glare with blue-steel knives, hoping that’d keep the idol away long enough for her to find an escape route, “What are you doing here Kujikawa-san? You promised Kanji-kun you’d leave us alone.”

“Hmm,” the idol stopped about half-way across the roof to her target, tapping one finger to her chin, “True, I did promise Kanji I’d leave the _two_ of you alone,” a wicked smirk appeared on the idol’s face as she winked at the detective, “Aren’t I so lucky then that you’re up here all by yourself~”

Cobalt brows lowered at Naoto glowered, “That’s low, even for you…”

There was a momentary twinge on the idol’s brow but she quickly stood up straight, back in her non-threatening pose with her hands behind her back and that porcelain smile on her face, “Yea, well, you tend to leave me with little choice Naoto-kun,” an exasperated sigh, “You’re really difficult and thick headed when you want to be…”

Hands and jaw clinched as the young detective tried to ignore the verbal jab, “I simply do not wish to speak with you, as you should understand by now considering our last encounter.” There, that should remind her of the repercussions of bothering her when she did not wish to be disturbed! She got to her feet slowly to even out the height difference. She would not give the impression of staring up at the idol in any form. She was not her better.

There was a long drawn out sigh, when did she get closer? “Yeeeeaaa, that was… bad,” Rise was looking away scratching her cheek, “Can’t say it was my best performance, but really,” a dramatic wave of her hands, “Can you blame me for trying? I wanted to make this as painless as possible, but if I have to trap you on a roof like an afterschool anime drama just to get you away from your prince charming long enough to - at the very least - _listen_ to what I have to say, hey, I’m gonna!”

If Naoto had been drinking something she was sure she would have spit it out, “W-what are you-?!” her eyes were furious, glaring at the girl that had gotten entirely too close. Ignoring as her Senpai, the two of them still by the door, started laughing at this farce! – _Yes, that’s what it is!_ \- taking a second to collect herself Naoto growled, biting her tongue before collecting the right words to say in this ridiculous situation, “I will not play any part in your preposterous staged fantasy, Kujikawa- _san_!”

For a second the smiling idol mask dropped and flat brown eyes stared at the cobalt haired girl, “Geez, you can be a real jerk sometimes, _Shirogane_ …”

The two second years stared at each other in bitter silence. It wasn’t until their senpai made it over and Chie was pushing the two of them apart that Naoto realized Rise stood barely a foot from her. – _How did she-?_ -

“Hey, hey, break it up girls, this isn’t why we came here,” Chie’s voice was firm, glancing from one junior to the next.

“Chie’s right,” Yukiko came up on the other side, quieter than her counterpart but her eyes seemed much harsher to Naoto, “We came here for a reason, no need to drag it out…” she coughed lightly, clearing her throat, “We don’t necessarily have the _time_ , remember.”

Immediately the flat brown eyes that had been staring at Naoto the whole time were gone, replaced again by a more familiar annoyed variation from Rise, “Ugh, fine,” the idol waved her hand, “As much as I like drama, you’re right Yukiko-senpai, we don’t have time!” with a firm nod Rise raised her eyes to Naoto, smirking in an unfamiliar way, “I honestly just wanted to see how bad she was after all,” the added wink was entirely unnecessary.

Fighting for her normal composure, Naoto barred her teeth, clinching her jaw and keeping all the things she wanted to throw back in the smug idol’s face from being said. She didn’t want to make a scene; that would just feed into the delusional girl’s fantasy. No, she wanted to escape. And with her senpai now on this side and away from the door-

“Don’t even think about it,” a firm hand was suddenly on Naoto’s upper arm, attached to none-other than Chie. “We tried being nice, Naoto-kun. We tried to talk to you individually, we tried to get you to talk to us. You wouldn't have either, so now you’re going to _listen_.” Chie’s honey coloured eyes were frim as if giving an order, before a slight slack entered her shoulders as those same eyes softened just the smallest bit, “Please.”

If it wasn’t for that one request, as earnest as the generally honest girl got, Naoto would have ripped her arm away and bolted for the door. She could understand Chie-senpai in some senses. She was honest, blunt, and in a lot of ways reminded her of Kanji-kun. Which, if anything, only brought her closer to her. With the time she had spent with Kanji as her team partner, anyone resembling him had a certain advantage. Lying or hiding her intentions didn’t come naturally to her. – _Unlike SOME people_ -

When Naoto bothered to glance at the other girls she noticed Yukiko-senpai was giving her a sharp look and Rise’s true motives were hidden behind one of her fake smiles.

“Speak, then.” It was only when she showed no intention of running, for now, she shrugged Chie’s hand away. Though, even then couldn’t say if the older girl would have let her go or not.

The three looked at one another, various levels of nervousness between them, again Chie’s face being the easiest to read while the other two were keener at hiding whatever conversation it was going on between them. They cornered her here, now it was their turn to do as they pleased, yet they hesitated. – _Unorganized as usual_ -

“Look, Naoto-kun, this is kinda… hard… to talk about,” Chie started off nervously, scratching the back of her head, “But, you see, we-we all-um… heh… uh…” she flashed a nervous smile to the other two, obviously hoping they’d pick up what she clearly couldn’t say.

Yukiko simply crossed her arms, eyes sharpening as she stared at Naoto.

“Ugh, jeez, fine, if you guys can’t get it out,” Now Rise was the one rubbing her neck, rolling her eyes and looking around, “We’re worried about you Naoto,” those brown eyes landed on the cobalt haired detective again, and again held a gaze she’d never seen on the preppy idol before, “Worried, because, no matter what you think, no matter what weird little things go on in that genius brain of yours, we actually **_DO_** know what you’re going through…”

Immediately she got a swipe from Chie, “ _Rise!_ ”

“What?! Look we don’t have time for subtlety,” the idol grumbled, crossing her arms, “As much as I’d rather do this easier, it’s just not going to happen, so blunt it is.”

“Argh you’re impossible!” the sporty girl growled, jumping into Naoto’s view, grabbing her around the upper arms, “Look, Naoto-kun, we care about you! We’ve missed you! We know it sucks - you know, all that’s happened, believe me, we get it…” there was a strange look that passed Chie’s face as she paused, glancing at the stern look from Yukiko before turning back to the younger girl, “We-we really do… it-it sucks, it sucks so bad! It just straight up **_hurts_** to the point you can’t eat, can’t sleep, everything is just running around in your head and he’s just-!!” one hand released her, grabbing the older girl’s head as she covered her eyes, taking a deep breath, “He’s not what you think…”

The second it made it into Naoto’s head just who and **_what_** she was talking about… things just went blank. Utter fury coursed through her veins and she could barely feel as her nails cut into her hands, her jaw tightened painfully and she could feel her brow lower.

How dare they.

How **_DARE_** they!

“I know exactly who he is,” there was a growl in Naoto’s voice as she grabbed her senpai’s hand and removed it from her person, taking a step back away from them. “I know precisely what I have in him, because he _showed his self_ to me." Her hearted glare swept past each of the girls in turn. "So I was right, all along, you all…” she had to take a deep breath, “You don’t know _anything_! About him! About **_US_**! Absolutely nothing!” she glared at them, the cold feeling running down her spine like summoning a _Megidelaon_ to wipe out her enemies, “NOTHING!”

“We know everything Naoto.” Rise’s still voice cut into the blast radius, “Or at least I do…”

Blue-steel found her target and Naoto sneered, for the first time feeling some kind of victory over her enemy, “Then you know how I feel, how obviously he loves me and about the time we spent together!”

“Yea, I do.” Rise just kept staring at her, holding her stance firm and letting her words sink into the silence, “I know about all of you, and all the other girls he was with and how he didn’t care about anyone of us beyond simple conquests or paths to gaining his power.” There was a deep sigh, “Even the guys… all of us… just used, to make sure he could gain whatever power it was he had at the end…” the eyes that stared back at Naoto were empty, “… that’s all we ever were.”

Somehow Rise managed to counter her almighty attack, and it left Naoto momentarily staggered. "W-We...?"

“I suppose now would be a prudent time to admit,” Yukiko’s quiet voice spoke in the silence, “that the Amagi challenge has been conquered for some time now,” her thin eyes glanced to the side, “Though, the price was steeper than I had ever realized…” she was staring at Chie.

“Yea, well,” the tomboy was looking away, rubbing the back of her head, “Suppose I could gloat and say I got him first but…” there was a deep sigh, “Talk about a freakin’ let down, a great time, feeling all super powerful like I could take on the world one night… then the next he’s off with my best friend and I can’t even get two words out about it…”

The Amagi heiress simply looked to the ground, a quiet fury only noticeable if one were to look into her eyes.

“But… that’s…” Naoto continued to stagger. This couldn’t be right, she knew her teammates had fallen for Senpai like her, but there was no way, they couldn’t… and Rise, she… she’d taken him away from her! She’d been the one that…

“You know, it really sucks,” Rise twirled her hair, “All this time I’m here, trying to get away from the business of being an unobtainable sex object for nerdy little dweebs to drool over and buy my records, and I fall for the trap that is the first suave guy to say exactly what I want to hear… thinking everything’s safe and this is real and…” she gave a long defeated sigh, “To find out that it’s all just been for a stupid power up! Like some kind of game!” she kicked the ground, “What a jackass!”

“But… he… he said he loved me…” The words were out of Naoto’s mouth before she even realized it. What in the world made her say that, _why_ did she say that out loud?

The next thing she knew something green was wrapped around her and squeezing her tight.

“It’s okay Naoto-kun, it’s okay,” Chie was hugging her and she didn’t know why.

Over her senpai’s shoulder, she saw Rise looking at her with some kind of sad empathy while Yukiko still looked stern, hard to read.

“There’s… there is simply no way… I-I don’t understand…”

Rise’s lips flattened out in a flat line, “It’s okay, we can talk about it later, I just…” there was a light sigh, “I just want you to move on from him Naoto-kun. We care about you, and… and I know it’s hard to hear, hard to accept but… but he doesn’t… not how you think.”

Chie finally moved to the side, still holding Naoto’s shoulder, letting the two younger girls face one another.

“You cannot possibly know that…” it was a bitter refusal but not nearly as strong as she wanted it to be. Her voice quavered.

“But I do,” Rise said firmly, “Like I said, I know everything… I have ever since that night when I got Kanzeon.” Those eyes, the ones she was looking at Naoto with weren’t of an oblivious pop idol or the team drama queen. They spoke of hard truths and things no one else should ever see, but she was showing that side to Naoto, “Himiko showed me the surface of things, Kanzeon shows the unbridled truth… no matter how it makes me feel - I see it.”

Tightening her jaw Naoto refused to look at the girl, refused to look into those eyes or even acknowledge the other two. She couldn’t, not here, not yet, admit defeat, “If that’s the truth, then why…” her chest burned, getting the words out through grit teeth, her voice slowly picking up volume as she spoke, “If you _knew_ he d-didn’t care about m-me like that… _why didn’t you say anything!_ ”

“I couldn’t,” there was a defeated sigh from the maroon haired girl, “Like Chie-senpai said, it was like I couldn’t get two words out… but even then I wouldn’t have…” she closed her eyes, collecting herself, “I know the truth, I know how his power worked, and I knew we’d need your bonds with him… but even then…” Her own brows furrowed as she looked straight at Naoto, “You wouldn’t have believed me.”

There were too many things buzzing in Naoto’s head that she didn’t realize she’d taken a step forward until she felt Chie’s grip tighten on her shoulder and pull her back.

“Hey, hey, now, now, no reason to get mad…” the words her Senpai spoke slipped through her like a breeze.

Was she even mad? What was she feeling after such a ridiculous revelation? Did she believe her… did she blame her? Why did she feel betrayed… but that can’t have been true, could it?

She thought she heard the door bang for a moment; thought she heard Yosuke say something, but it was cut off too quickly. A worried Yukiko turned to check in on the door leading away from the roof.

“I’m sorry.”

Naoto looked up to see Rise breathe in deeply, trying not to sniffle. Chie and Yukiko both stood rooted in place, the door forgotten. Apparently this had not been part of the plan, whatever the plan had been.

“I’m so sorry Naoto-kun,” brown eyes rose with tears forming in them, “I wish I could change things, but… I can’t…” Her voice thickened and she seemed to choke on words that refused to pass her lips. The next thing the detective knew, Rise had warped across the space between them and wrapped herself around Naoto, crying of all things, clinging onto her.

“I-I…” Naoto was honestly too stunned to know what to do. This sounded like a victory, like Rise Kujikawa admitting defeat and begging her mercy. So why did it feel so… painful.

There was a muffled voice from the detective’s chest, “I also know... you've been planning to... you want to leave Inaba." Somehow her arms squeezed tighter, trying to anchor the stunned girl. Her voice shaky, the pitch slipping into despair, she continued, "Please don’t go… don’t leave… we love you, more than he could ever… Don't you see how _we_ feel? How _I_ feel about you?”

 _How could she know...?_ Naoto stared at the girl attached to her for a long while. Rise Kujikawa had a gift for falsehoods. Acting was who she was, if what Kanji had offhandedly mentioned about her shadow was true. Shadows, as it were. She had a trait that allowed her to be a dozen different Risette's... while still remaining Rise underneath it all. But in this fragile girl clinging to her was not a trace of any of Risette's characteristics, and it confused the detective. There was no act. There were no crocodile tears. There was just a shivering bundle of hurt and it begged her to reconsider leaving this town. She only ended up shifting her glance away when she noticed her senpai give each other pointed looks, and Yukiko tapped her wrist and Chie nodded. Next thing she knew Chie was moving to her front and grabbing Rise’s arm trying to remove her.

“C’mon Rise, we gotta go,” Chie grunted managing to get one arm off.

“No, dun’wanna!” Naoto couldn’t help but wince at the squeal near her ear as Rise tried to latch on tighter. Whoever it was a few minutes ago apologizing to her was gone and the noisy Rise she was more used to was back.

“Come on! I don't want to end up on Kanji's bad side and he told you not to bother Naoto at all.” Hands shifted, there was a moment of grappling and a few muted curses. Chie eventually managed to get the two shorter girls separated, earning a grumbling pout as she pulled the idol away and back towards the door.

“Don’t forget what I said Naoto-kun!!’ Rise managed to stop Chie long enough to yell back, “I MEAN IT!!”

Naoto just stood there staring.

“She means well,” a soft voice to Naoto’s left drew her attention. Yukiko, who’d been mostly quiet throughout this ordeal now smiled at her, “What’s happened between all of us…” a deep thoughtful look crossed the Amagi heiress’ face, “Well, there’s more to say, clearly, just know…” she reached out and laid a gentle hand on Naoto’s arm, “We’re here for you Naoto-kun, Rise-chan more than you realize…”

Naoto could only give her senior a look, offended and confused at the idea... but…

Yukiko gave that small smile of hers, “After what happened, Chie and I managed to work things out, our friendship stronger despite this,” a fond nostalgic smile crossed her face, “I don’t know what I would have done without her…” a stern glance passed over Naoto, “Don’t do this alone, Naoto-kun. You cannot expect to work your way through this without help."

“Amagi-senpai?” she couldn’t help but calling out to the older girl, wondering what she was trying to say.

Yukiko turned with that look on her face, no-nonsense, strict and cold as the ice her general firm grasp on Agi-spells would not hint at. “There seems to be a lot Rise-chan won’t tell Chie or I, but that’s fine, since I think she’d rather tell you.” With a flash her expression change and had her bubble into a girlish laugh, hiding it behind her hand, “By the way, this wasn’t just an intervention, she wanted to invite you to her birthday party… because she wanted a dear friend there. I guess that bit slipped her mind just now.” The laugh fades and she lowered her voice once more. "You and her, Naoto-kun. You will need one another." And with that the black haired beauty turned towards the door through which Chie had dragged away Rise.

“YOU BETTER COME NAOTO-KUN!!” echoed up the stairway, loud enough to possibly carry throughout the entire building.

All the young detective could do was stare. Left in her own thoughts, not even aware fully as the door banged open and a tall blond boy stumbled into the roof, seemingly distracted.

She could not even notice anything until his hands were on her shoulders and her entire vision was filled with his worried face, “Hey, you okay?!”

“I…” it took her a moment to find the words, find something that would express the state she was in after whatever it was that just happened.

Her gaze found his eyes and she held on to the look he gave her. Her detective mind picked out the threads of emotion. Worry. Anger. Confusion. If she had felt inclined to bring forward a mean streak, she could have said that it appeared to be very much his overall state of being. But she could not, and not only because she felt very, very drained. Two of these three emotions were concern for her and she faced either letting him know the truth… or opting to keep him safe.

“Yes, of course. I am fine.”


	7. Chapter 7

Both of the teen’s moods had dampened the rest of the afternoon and evening.

The walk home was very silent after the two had affirmed to one another that, yes, they both were okay and yes, they both were ready to leave.

In a very uncommon turn of events, Kanji turned to her the moment they slipped off their shoes and quietly asked if she could help him finish off his homework. The distraction was more than appreciated. Naoto had no desire to think on what had been revealed by the girls in their group.

As a result, to both of them being absorbed in their work that Kanji forgot to prepare dinner - to which his mother only commented it wasn’t a problem, as he had spoiled ‘the girls’ each previous evening with home cooked meals. She whipped up a few different onigiri, only calling the high schoolers away from their homework for a brief sit-down for their meal. While she attempted to speak to them a few times, in the end she left each to their own thoughts when the replies were brief and uninformative.

The girl gathered up the dishes when dinner was finished and proceeded to wash up. Shortly after, Kanji stood, quietly walked beside her, and picked up a tea towel to help.

Naoto’s thoughts were still firmly with the encounter on the school roof. Yu had… he had really been with all of them? What did that make him then? What did it make _her_? And what did it mean about the feelings she held for her senpai? Was she not in love with him? Did his actions invalidate her own take on this? Did it change what she felt?

The short answer was that, no, it really did not change how she felt. She still longed. She still wanted Yu-senpai near her. But it had absolutely taken the drive to abandon Inaba out of her. That… and Rise-san all but begging her. _"Please don’t go… don’t leave… we love you, more than he could ever… Don't you see how we feel? How I feel about you?”_

She bit her trembling lip, coughing. She would not cry. Her pride might not survive if she would allow herself, yet again, to be seen weeping. Beside her, she felt Kanji stiffen his stance, then step closer to her. He pulled his arm away from her and leaned his upper body towards her, allowing her to lean into him. After a first struggle with her pride, she allowed his offer and leaned back into him. Only for a brief moment, she could not allow more than just a brief moment of comfort, but she took strength from him in the brief touch of her head against his ribs.

They finished cleaning up and Kanji picked up the now-damp tea towel to wipe down the table. “’s okay, Naoto, if ya wanna, y’know, go read and stuff. Guess I can’t think about Modern History right now.”

The junior Shirogane watched his turned back and nodded, making only a small agreeing noise. She turned and left, walking into the living room. Kanji’s mother had returned to the storeroom after the meal, saying she would be busy for a while and to not wait for her.

This left her with herself and the choice of futon or couch. After a brief stop by the bathroom to get herself ready, she called to Kanji in his room, wishing him a good night and turned in early.

The steady hum of the sewing machine lulled her into restless sleep. Her mind repeated the same questions over and over, again and again. Inside of her, the same words whispered to her; echoes of her own thoughts on what it meant she was one of just many girls to Yu; echoes of what it meant she had thrown away all her dignity just to appeal to a boy, echoes of three girls trying to make her chance her point of view.

 

* * *

 

“I really _am_ quite busy. You should have let me know you would be dropping in.”

Naoto blinked through the greenish fog and found herself back at the secret base. She was bone-tired and as such did not even have a groan to spare for her Shadow as it spoke, its back pointedly towards her, leaning over something on that cartoonish operations table.

“I did not realise I would be back myself.” She did a quick check and opened her palm. The card did not appear. Of course. Yamato-Takeru would not be able to join her so long as her Shadow was active. They were, after all, one and the same.  This was, however, when she looked along her arm and found it covered in a long, dark blue, form-fitting sleeve, a large white cuff overlapping her hand almost fully. She did, however, feel cold around her midsection Shocked, her first thought was that she was partially naked. The moment she realised she was in nearly a worse state than that, she _did_ find an embarrassed groan.

“Well, you seem to be dressed to go out. Or, well,” her Shadow turned, a mischievous spark in those golden eyes, “stay _in_ , as the case would be. Thinking of anyone specific, Naoto-kun?”

The junior Shirogane unhappily plucked at the ‘Coronet Armour’ that senpai had insisted she would wear a few times. _“Just here, in the TV World. It’s just a bit of fun, really.”_ – fun, sure. For whom? Chie and Yukiko had similar outfits he had given them at times, and they, too, wore them under protest. That she would find herself wearing this yet again...

The girl let her shoulders slump and started to laugh helplessly. Her shadow cocked an eyebrow at her and turned around, leaning against the table and crossing its arms.

“Did you put me into this ridiculous getup?”

“You should know by now. I merely reside here. Do my experiments. Try to stay out of your way. Anything you bring here is all yours.”

“Ah.” She giggled some more. “I was afraid of that.”

The Shadow tilted its head down. The cap shielded its face from the light from above, but the unnatural glow of its eyes remained.

"This is just a dream, isn't it?"

"To me," her Shadow quietly replied, "it is reality."

The girl shivered. “I… I am tired.” She looked around the barren room. Well. Barren of furniture. The large panels and TVs still were all over the walls, some of the showing formless shadows prowling hallways, some of them showing episodes of Featherman. Most of them simply showed greyish static. As she let her eyes wander, one screen stood out to her. It looked like a night vision camera. And it showed her sleeping form on a futon. “I am, apparently, tired enough to be dreaming that I am tired.”

“So it would appear,” her Shadow confirmed, then turned and resumed its tinkering. “As such, maybe you should leave and…” It lifted a sleeve-covered hand, waving it about. “I don’t really care. Just go,” it finally whined childishly, seemingly angry about the continued laughter.

Naoto’s laughs turned into chuckles and finally subsided. She found the nearest wall, turned her back towards it and slowly let herself slide to the floor. The garters and strapped-on bits of metal shifted uncomfortably, but she ignored it while pulling up her knees to her chin. Slowly she exhaled and put her forehead to her knees. “Maybe I can just stay here. Rest a while. I doubt I will be going very far if my own subconscious believes this is where I need to be.”

Her Shadow flapped its arms with an annoyed grunt, then deliberately turned its back on her and resumed tinkering.

The junior Shirogane eyed her armour. Well. ‘Armour’. It did boast a few areas of barely shaped bits of metal, connected to frilly lace around the shoulders. At a quick glance, they could possibly-maybe-perhaps be mistaken for pauldrons, she assumed. The rest was actually less protective gear so much as straps and garters and overly-elaborate tights. Her hands were nearly always covered by ridiculous … Actually, she did not know what these were called. Cuffs? Large cuffs? _Maybe Kanji-kun would know the correct name for these. If I were to show him. If that would not immediately beg the question how I came upon this and why I would ask him about items of clothing._ Dropping her hands back onto her knees, she heaved a sigh.

She had never asked who had thought it was funny to dub it ‘coronet armour’. Yu-senpai had claimed that it already had this name when he had gotten these from Kashiwagi – and that alone opened up questions she felt she rather would leave unanswered - such as why a teacher would give her student suggestive female outfits. But the title of it… A coronet armour for a detective prince. Everyone involved must have had a hearty chuckle at that.

As her head slowly rolled back and she let it gently thud against the metal wall behind her, the junior Shirogane tried to move away from these thoughts without much success.

Yu had never exactly lied to her. There was no explicit promise of them being _exclusive_ to one another. Nor was there a promise of what would happen after he leaves. But that he had…. been intimate with every single girl in his closer orbit… This bit of information was a difficult idea to comprehend.

Or, maybe, not really. He was amazing, in his own rights, certainly a lot of females would have been attracted to his charisma, his calm nature, how dependable he was. Still. She had always thought physical expressions of affection were shared between _lovers_. Which would imply a romantic interest, no? It should. It would, in her mind. As such, thinking he was hers based on the more intimate moments of her time with him, it would be a natural thinking, wouldn't it?

Her mind drifted to Tatsumi-san's gentle words on that first night they spoke. It seems that she, sadly, was very much correct. The express idea that they were meant was in her own head. And what Rise-san and Chie-senpai and Yukiko-senpai had said all came down to the same thing, in the end. Yu had not been hers. What she thought they had was... not herself to claim.

The thought hurt. It hurt like crazy, to be honest. She wasn't at all sure if she could ever find rest again, with these thought sin her mind. Her claim to love, to romance, to being precious to someone - were all of these truly shattered now?

With her head still pressed against the wall, she rolled her eyes to one side. Yamato, or, well, her Shadow, whatever it called itself here, was still diligently working. At times it looked very precise and deliberate, while at others it would jump excitedly in its spot or do sudden, child-like movements, but whatever it worked on, it was doing _something_ and with all of its attention.

Naoto pulled herself to her feet approached the manifestation of her subconscious carefully.

She stopped at its side and her Shadow, after it gave her a scathing look, relented and moved aside for her. This allowed Naoto to let her gaze run over a mostly disassembled … machine of sorts. “What is it you are currently working on?”

“I dunno,” it squeaked excitedly, “I’m still trying to take it apart. Don’t worry, I’m taking notes on where all the bits went before I took them away. It just showed up in my workshop in pieces.”

“Hm.” Naoto shivered suddenly, goose bumps running all along her upper body. She wrapped her arms around herself, huddling up tightly.

The Shadow glanced at her once more, then shrugged out of its lab coat with a sigh and held it out to her. “Here.”

Had it suddenly grown an extra head, the blunette would possibly have been less surprised. “Pardon?”

“It is quite clear you are not dressed for the conditions in my purview. Indeed… not dressed for any conditions I would consider public,” it snorted with a small, gleeful laugh. “Put this on at least.”

Wondering what it would mean if, in a dream, already controlled by her subconscious, she was being offered clothing by another part of her subconscious to get dressed because she had subconsciously put herself into very skimpy clothing, Naoto slipped into the oversized coat. Unlike her Shadow, she took a moment to roll the sleeves up to her wrists. “Thank you. This is very thoughtful.

The Shadow simply waved her off, slipping its tie between the buttons of its shirt. “I will not be the thing that kills you, Naoto Shirogane.” It held out a hand. “Pass me that plier, if you would.”

The next few minutes were spent taking part the machine. The longer they worked on it, the more Naoto realised it was just a childish idea of what makes a machine work. Gears and belts and laughably large microchips and displays on the inside of the machine. Nothing with actual use or function would have this many unneeded parts and most of them did not even seem connected in any meaningful manner. It seemed to have no energy source that she could make out. It was more the idea of what a machine could be, rather than any functional piece of equipment.

“Yamato-san?”

The Shadow grunted displeased, but did not offer any other reply.

“I think you know why I am here.” She ran a hand along her body. "Like this."

“As much as you would wish to imply other, I am not of limited mental faculties.”

“Of course not. So you know.”

It hunched lower over the part it was trying to pry apart. A few monitors along the walls flickered into life, showing still images of the three girls who had cornered her at school that day. Her Shadow growled, waved an angry arm to make the large screens return to static and resumed its work. In a small, child-like voice it spoke up again. “It’s okay. I'll find out why this is broken. I will make this work somehow.”

The junior Shirogane heard these words... and everything fell into place. Her eyes trailed to the machine, and the disconnected parts; the shapes, the focussed manner in which her Shadow worked. Worked, fruitlessly to work out why something that should work because it thought it should, did not. She stepped closer and tried to move it aside.

Her reward was a rough shove. “ _No_! I can _fix_ this! I just didn’t know what was broken, but now I know what is broken! I know how to make this work again!”

Catching herself before she stumbled over the metal boots she wore, Naoto looked at the machine. “But you said you do not even know what this is or what it is supposed to do.”

“I don’t!” The childish whine was immediately replaced with crisp, clear words. “I do not. Not yet. But I will I will know, I will understand how it ran to begin with!”

She walked back at its side and slowly reached out to rub her Shadows back. “You have never seen it work properly before, have you? You do not know what this contraption is, you do not know how it should work and you do not know what it would look like if it were assembled correctly.”

Yamato spun to give her another push, but this time Naoto was ready. She grabbed its wrists and held it tightly, watching how brightly glowing yellow eyes flooded with tears. “But it’s _mine_! MINE! I’ll take this, and I’ll make it run and… and…”

Gently, fighting her own choked voice, Naoto finished the sentence. “And without Yu-senpai and the parts he should have added to this machine; it will never work. This is not something we can fix, Yamato-san. This is something that we would need … a fellow researcher for. Isn’t it?”

Her Shadow pulled free, throwing the cartoonish oversized tool furiously across the room. “NO! If I repair it and give it back fixed, then… then…” It spun back to look at her. “You need to help me! If you call him, we could-“

“No, Yamato.”

“But-!”

“ _No_ , Yamato-san. I know why I am here now. I understand.”

“But… can you fix it for us then?” It sadly gazed at the non-functioning mechanical core. “This is mine,” it said, sadly reaching for it.

“It is yours, yes. And mine, too. And, no, I do not know. I cannot fathom how to repair this, on my own or with the help of others. But I know I cannot do it on my own. And no matter how long you try to work on it – you cannot either.”

The Shadow roughly grabbed its cap and tugged it down. “So what do you propose we do then? Just throw it away?”

“For now…” She gazed at the parts and sighed. “Do what you have been doing. Explore it. Label the pieces. Find out how it could be build better. And then, for the time being, put it aside.”

The Shadow nodded slowly and went to retrieve its tools.

It was then, that a loud thud-

 

* * *

 

-made Naoto nearly bolt from her bed.

Disorientated by having been dragged so unceremoniously from her sleep, she had gone as far as one hand reaching to her nightstand (which wasn’t here) and one leg ready to crouch to take aim. When she noticed Algernon missing, she paused in her motion. _That is correct. I left my revolver back at home…_ Bringing a weapon into the home of civilians felt wrong to her, besides, she knew Kanji would be all the protection she would need while under the same roof.

Kanji. Through the wall, toward his room, she heard what sounded like a mournful groan, then a few repeated thuds. Shortly after, a sliding door opened and Naoto heard the creaks of someone heavy trying to walk quietly along the narrow hallway outside and slip into the bathroom.

Naoto slowly settled back into the guest futon, slowly wrapping the small blanket on top of the comforter around herself. Kanji did not have a bed, she had seen briefly, so it was unlikely he had fallen out of it. Could it be he had a nightmare?

For that matter, did she have a nightmare? She was unsure what it was she had dreamt before waking up and tried to bring the images back up. She remembered her Shadow, she remembered being cold. But some of the images had rapidly faded with the start of being awoken so roughly.

While her dreams faded, the heavy feeling in her stomach settled back in.

She frowned, remembering the conversation she had been forced into earlier that day… or maybe yesterday. Thinking on the matter had not really brought her forward on her own. Neither had trying to sleep early removed the emotional paralysis she found herself trapped in. She wanted to cry. Or be angry. Or … anything. But nothing came to her. Just the pit in her stomach and the feeling of loneliness.

A soft rap at her door made her turn her head. “Yo,” she heard Kanji’s rough whisper, “Naoto? Yer awake?”

She pressed her lips together and snuggled deeper into her blanket. She could just ignore him. Pretend she was soundly sleeping and possibly avoid a confrontation with the boy.

After a few moments of silence, she strained to hear him rumble, “’s good… was worry my shitty dream woke you up, too.” There was a long moment of hesitation. “So, if I did wake ya… ‘m sorry.”

The girl shook her head and gathered up her blanket around her shoulders. Standing, she replied in a loud whisper, “Don’t worry about it.” She leaned beside the door and opened it, just a crack. While this wasn’t exactly her bedroom, she felt this was as much as both their dignities could safely handle. “You… you had an unpleasant dream, Kanji-kun?”

She heard the boy shift on the other side, then a creak as he seemed to settle in as well. “Yeah. Was pretty shitty.”

As she waited for him to respond, she pulled the blanket tighter around herself and finally slid down to sit beside the cracked-open door. “Did you wish to share it, perhaps? Night terrors can lose a lot of impact if regarded openly after the fact.” _Not to mention, it could distract me from my own thoughts…_

He hummed a confirmation and seemed to settle against the wall himself. “Not sure where ta begin…”

“Do you remember the setting?”

“Mhm, yeah. Was in the damned Bathhouse.”

“Which bathhouse?”

“Y’know,” he drawled slowly.

Naoto blinked. “Did you mean the one connected to the _onsen_ at Amagi Inn?”

He ‘tsked’ on the other side. “No, man… My… y’know… where my Shadow…”

“Oh…”

“Yeah…”

The girl had never met his shadow, unsurprisingly, and its nature was never fully revealed to her. However, she did know Kanji felt awkward and uneasy about his Shadow for reasons that were not fully clear. He did not seem to be the most dangerous, but he seemed to have had something to do with roses and light clothing. “Were you in danger?”

“Not… directly. So…” He exhaled loudly. “There was a lot of shovin’ and name-callin’ and shit. My Shadow is a bit of a ponce, but when he gets angry about somehin’, he lets ya know. The bug guy’s words can hurt as much as his punch. Sometimes more, know what I mean?”

Not entirely. “Yes.”

There was a moment of quiet, after which she heard his voice pick up again. “When the girls talked to you, y’know, on the roof?” She gasped softly. _Ouch. So much for avoiding my own thoughts for a little while…_ “Well, Yukiko had tricked me. Sent me down to the damned sewing club. Ah… I’ll tell ya about that later. Anyhow, I got out quick, because, well, I told ya we’d walk home together, y’know? And when I finally found out were ya were, I ran into Yosuke-senpai.”

“Yoskue…” she whispered. Yes, Chie-senpai had been talking to him before she had noticed them showing up on the roof.

“He begged me ta not go out on the roof ta get ya. Said the girls needed ta talk to ya. I was about to use him as door opener when he said that it was about Yu … an’ that he needed ta talk to me, too.”

In the following silence, Naoto felt her breath roughly scratch at her throat. What did Yosuke… how much did he know of all of this? She noticed the blonde shift behind her and his fingers slipped against the door, widening the crack a little, pushing it open further. “Wh- What…?”

“Senpai grabbed me an’ pulled me from the door. At first, I didn’t understand nothing he was sayin’. Made no damned sense about Yu dating Chie-senpai, y’know? I mean, I guess it sucked, because Yosuke had a thing for her, but he also had a thing for Yukiko and I figured, well, whatever, right?” She watched, frozen in her fascination, how he grasped at the door, his fingers trying to dig deeper into the wood. “An’… then he told me ‘bout Yukiko-senpai…”

Naoto’s hand slipped from her blanket and fell to her side, keeping herself propped up by her hand. If Yosuke knew about these two, chances were he could know about the other girls as well…

Kanji’s quiet voice started to sound monotone as he continued. “He told me how it crushed Chie-senpai.” His fingers creaked against the door. “And with her best friend, y’know? He said there were some things with their Shadows already that made things a bit complicated, but they nearly broke their friendship. Told me he spent weeks going training wit’ Chie-senpai then and get beaten up by her… an’ then trying to … Man. I can’t even imagine Chie-senpai ever crying over that shit.”

This gave her pause, too. It was not an image that could easily come to mind. However, she knew that it happened, and she had seen her weeping, both of grief and of joy. It was the complex duality that their sporty senpai had, the rough edges which poked through warm female qualities.

She, too, now shifted and placed her hand just below his, holding the door with him. She felt him tense up along his arm, then he sighed softly.

“Yeah, so… he then started to say stuff like what he did to help, right? How he said he needed to spend time with her and help her. And…” The wood creaked now. “And how, when Yu-senpai… when Yukiko was alone, how Chie-san helped her and he in turn needed ta help Chie-senpai…”

_Just as Yukiko had said. She very nearly lost more than she could have gained…_

She froze as his hand migrated, slowly slipping to cover her own. His thumb gently ran back and forth along her pinkie finger. “And th-“ He coughed, his voice having choked up.

Naoto dreaded what she was about to hear. Knew what she was about to hear. “Kanji… kun…”

“Yu-senpai knew, damnit.” He choked once more, and this time, she moved her index finger to try and hold the little finger of his hand. “He knew I’m… damn… there ain’t no easy way for me ta…”

She herself felt faint. Not only did Yosuke know. He told Kanji. How much had he told him? Everything? She tried to pull her hand away, but his grip tightened.

“ _No_ ,” he whispered harshly, “’m tried of runnin’ away. I… I-I’m crazy ‘bout ya, Naoto. Had been since… forever. Yu-senpai, he… he-he talked to me about it, so often.” She felt his hand grasp tighter as he shifted again.

Slowly, both of their hands pushed the door further open. Naoto and Kanji sat, shoulder to back, almost beside one another. Her hand released the door, but his twisted around and held hers gently before she could pull away fully.

“Been too damn chicken-shit ta do anything about what I think, what I wanted ta tell ya.” His fingers closed around her and more tightly. “Now it’s too late.”

“Kanji-kun, I…” _What? I’m sorry?_ Naoto wasn’t sure. She liked the tall blonde, she really did. And he did care about her. He was her team mate. Her partner. And he welcomed her into his home – all while hiding how he feels about her.

After she could not find a way to continue, he laughed quietly. Once she heard him speak up again, it was a quiet, painful whisper. "I love ya. I have forever." He took a shuddering breath. "And Yu knew. Knew I loved ya. Didn't care. Still gunned for ya."

She swallowed. This… made the explanation the girls had given her ring even stronger in the back of her mind. He had gone for each of them. Without a care of what was involved. The tight friendship between her female senpai. The career of the teen idol on hiatus. And, apparently, knowing one of his friends had a crush and wilfully charming her, regardless of his friends’ feelings. Her senpai had known Kanji Tatsumi was interested … wait. _Forever? What exactly did he mean by 'forever'?_ Helplessly, she curled her own fingers around his. In silence, holding one another’s hands, the teens just gave one another that bit of warmth.

"Of course,” Kanji quietly continued, “I never had a chance. I'm just some punk. Yer... so much better than I am. So Senpai had it easy. He's... well. You know." His voice changed again. Growing rougher. Darker, somehow. "And then used ya. And... And then dumped ya.” He stopped, coughed and whispered, “Sorry. But… You... you ain't got no idea how that feels." A loud sniff. "Earlier I was on the phone with Yukiko-senpai. She apologised fer draggin' me away. Said she trusted Chie-senpai an' Rise ta fix things." His thumb stilled on her hand. He mumbled, "Fixed nothin', eh?"

Part of Naoto wished she could feel more sorrow for the boy. Clearly his feelings at least seemed real to him. She could hear the hurt in his voice and she was fairly certain he was fighting his emotions. In contrast to him, all that she felt inside was the emptiness that the afternoon had carved inside of her.

_Was Yu-senpai... really like that?_

Kanji spoke up again, his voice softer. "When Yosuke told me, like, earlier... Man. I was furious. Like... I couldn’t believe it. I mean, sure, part of me... I _kinda_ knew, right? I ain't stupid or nothin'." A louder sniff. "Yeah. I guess I kinda already knew, see? Jus' didn't want ta admit it. Didn’t wanna...”

He stilled. Slowly she turned her hand over and held his hand.

The day had wounded them both. And this was possibly where the girls had meant to steer her. This pain she felt was not her own, her private matter. Especially when looking at her female senpai she noted the similarities of their situation. Yu-senpai destroyed much in this group of people. And while, in the case of herself and Kanji, he ultimately had been the reason they could be friends to begin with… his actions had been selfish.

Kanji stretched again, and she felt her shoulder move as his back shifted. “Man. I jus'... missed my chance. If I had any balls at all, I woulda told ya, won ya over, protected you from him. I didn'. An' now we both hurt." He took a loud, shuddering sigh. "But Naoto? I learned. I won't ever hold back again. I'll be at your side now. Jus'... as a friend, maybe? ...if I may."

This was when she opened the door fully. Their eyes met and she shook her head softly. “Only if you can accept my friendship in return. I have been… horrible. To our senpai.” She hesitated, then boldly leaned into him. “To you. You opened your home to me. All without trying to-to…” She laughed softly.

“Naoto?”

“You did not… well… You did not have me here to ‘hit on me’ or seduce me.” He made a surprised sound and she simply patted his arm. “You did not, and you are a gentleman for it, Kanji Tatsumi.”

They were quiet and after a while, she felt his arm slowly settle around her shoulders. She shivered, trying to pull the blanket around both of them.

 _Yu. Why? Why is it a friend, whom I have no designs upon, would treat me with more closeness than you could in the months which we had an intimate bond?_ This was not the first time in the past ten days Kanji had held her close like this. And while some of these times had been to shield her from rain on the walk to school, or while being comfortable when watching a movie – these had been the touches she had craved from her senpai – and had not received from him.

She swallowed hard as she noticed a tear slip by her guard and run down her cheek, only to be caught by his arm. He looked at her and frowned. “Yer-?”

“I am fine.”

“But you-“

“I-I do not…” Her voice failed her and she turned her face away. “Why would he do this to me?” The walls she had hastily worked on cracked deeper and she tried to pull out of his embrace.

Instead of letting her leave, Kanji pulled Naoto into his lap and held her close, rocking with her in utter silence. "'m sorry," he whispered, "should'a ... should'a done somethin'... Should’a just been there for ya. I’m so fucking weak and afraid and I ran from you every time I should have reached out-"

It overlapped with her softly whispered, "I am so sorry. I am so sorry, Kanji-kun. I think I always knew... I knew you thought special of me. And I wanted to ignore it. I never wanted to see it. Never wanted to give in... not to you, not to... to senpai..."

Sharing in their hurt, the two friends drifted sleep like this. Cuddled up under her blanket; sitting in the open door frame; holding one another close; sharing in their anger and in their pain over a love they both felt locked into and knew would be unanswered in both cases.

 


	8. Chapter 8

Movement, just at the edge of consciousness.

Naoto blinked, trying to orientate herself. One side of her body, her left arm and shoulder, felt cold, but as she tried to move to pull the blanket higher, she felt herself blocked in some form. Had she tangled herself up somehow? She sleepily tugged once more, but nothing at all moved in any form.

 _Well. If the blanket will not move up, I shall have to wiggle down a bit._ With a small sigh, she tried to nuzzle deeper into her pillow - only to have said pillow hum and pull her closer.

The girl tried to start up - only to be held by her left shoulder with a soft shushing noise. Finally having opened her eyes, she found herself leaning almost upright, held by another person. She turned her head and saw the gently smiling face of Kanji Tatsumi's mother, a finger softly pressed to her own lips, one arm smoothly holding the girl's shoulder.

"Shh. Don’t wake Kanji-chan. He’s not slept well for a few days." The blunette tried to answer, tried to explain why his mother found them snuggled into a single duvet halfway between the living room and the hallway. The gentle pressure on her shoulder increased, reminding her to be quiet. "Rest more, child. I’ll ready breakfast for us. It will be a while still." With that, she rose from her knees, smiled at them, pulled the covers up over the girl and her son …and slipped away.

Naoto closed her eyes with a soft groan, turning to hide her face. The only place, which allowed this, was Kanji's shoulder, but right now she rather nobody could see her blushing face even by accident. Underneath her, Kanji shifted in his sleep; pulling her closer while mumbling something she could not understand.

After hesitating for only a moment, she let the embrace happen. Aside from perhaps Rise-san appearing with a film crew, the worst that could have happened from this situation had already happened, so why worry about it now?

Not that it made her current situation any better. She had fallen asleep in the arms of a _boy_ , and his _mother_ had found them in this manner. What must she be thinking? Maybe by doing this, she had broken their well-meaning hospitality. Not that this would be too much a problem, her two weeks were over in a day from today. Which reminded her, she had not spoken to her grandfather in a few days. She should call him after she packed tonight before returning to her apartment. But that… that could actually wait. With the blanket back over her, she felt warm and comfortable. Protected. Safe.

Relaxing, she felt her forehead gently nestle against Kanji's shoulder. Embarrassing as this was... she had slept better. _Much_ better. Maybe... just maybe she could convince her tired and exhausted mind that this had been what she needed. Someone to simply snuggle her and keep her safe; physically and emotionally. A friend.

_'...friends, huh?'_

Her idle thoughts strayed to the girls and the conversation the previous day. They had claimed to do what they did out of feelings of friendship. Out of care for her. Between crocodile tears and glimmers of actual caring emotions, Naoto found the concept of the three of them claiming _friendship_ connected towards her slightly offensive. No matter how well-meaning their act had been, no matter how much thought and effort may have gone into it, part of it felt like a show.

The only person who seemed somewhat genuine had been her poised senpai Amagi-san. No fake tears. No hysterical laughter. No stuttering. Just control and professional distance. Naoto knew how to deal with that. She knew how to appreciate that. Maybe also Satonaka-senpai, as she had, unlike Amagi-san, claimed to be concerned and considering herself a friend, but she, too, had mainly tried to keep it clean and professional. Again, something the junior Shirogane could value.

And then...

She shivered and felt Kanji move an arm around her waist to pull her closer. She froze with scarlet cheeks as he mumbled, barely audible, "...got you... safe..." She wondered, as she snuggled deeper to hide her bluish, if in his dream it was she... or maybe a large kitten or something he was holding; something not at all connected to her. Not that it would matter either which way what Kanji Tatsumi was dreaming about, not at all!

 _Then_ , there was Rise Kujikawa. The whole bit on the roof seemed so fake, so staged, so ... so... unnecessary! Except. Well. Except for this one moment. The moment where she revealed she had known of Naoto's plans to leave Inaba. She was unsure if Rise knew the precise plans she had been trying to forge. Did not know if she knew of the searches for apartment homes. Did not know if she knew of the many hours if browsing for the requirements for a school transfer. How she had declined job offers even to prepare this move.

Rise-san has begged her to stay. Begged her to not go. Claimed that Naoto was _loved_ here, by them, by _her._

In a brief moment of panic, she wondered what Hanamura-senpai would be thinking if he had overheard _that_ confession. Or, indeed... what he was thinking in general. He talked to Kanji. Moreover, if she believed the tall blonde, he tried to prepare him. Give him tips. Told him how to 'help her now. He had possibly understood that what the girls were doing was not going to be the kind act of friendship they had presented it as. Although, really, she doubted only a split-second later if such foresight could really be expected from the boy. He seemed to take endless joy from torturing both her and Kanji-kun. Comments about their apparent courtship - comments which, looked at now, make more sense to her. But he also hounded the boy with comments about his sexuality. His gender role and how he came to terms with it. Sometimes Naoto wondered if her remaining male senpai simply did not wish to deal with being a role model whatsoever.

But if she thought on Hanamura... she also thought on ... on... Hanamura was Yu-senpai's best friend.

How could he not have known? How could he not have _noticed_?! It just seemed so far out off the realm of truthful possibility, that Naoto clenched her teeth in anger. He must have noticed... something. Anything? He could perhaps have warned the girls. Warned her!

 _No... not me. He never was especially close to me, it seemed. He would never be close by me, seemingly not being... or..._ She bit her lip. _Or was he trying to leave room for Kanji-kun by being distant from me? No. More likely, he was leaving room for his_ partner _to move in._ _For Yu-senpai._ _Why had he... done this to m- to us?_

The longing to call him exploded in her chest again. Her heart started to thunder blood through her ears, spreading the toxic longing, that poisoned feeling of love with each hard thud. Gods, she wanted to _be_ with him. Even with all that was revealed to her, she wanted him so much. How could this be? How could she, even knowing, think she could forgive and forget if only he would tell her he wanted to be with her?

She wished things were different. She wished things could change.

"No, ma," a drowsy Kanji mumbled next to her, "'m jus'... gonna make..." he trailed off, his voice muffling.

A frown played over her face as she listened to his muttering. She thought back on the previous night. His emotional promise to guard her. To protect her. To appoint himself her guardian. The thought that he felt the need to do this annoyed her. She did not _need_ protecting; did not _need_ anyone to look after her. Yet... something about the promise felt...

_'Nice. He has seen me hurt. He simply does not wish to see it happen again, does he?'_

With that thought, her eyes drifted shut and she fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

Movement.

She felt arms slide against her, hugging her gently, while something rubbed into her hair. She heard a small, pleased sound from above - and her head went from drowsy to clearly awake roughly at the same moment that all movement around her stopped dead. She barely managed a small, "Mhm?" before hands tried to jerk back, got caught in the duvet around them, restricting movement to the point she and Kanji simply ended up tighter against one another.

She pressed her open palms against him, making the poor boy freeze up again. "It is... it is all right, Kanji-kun."

"N-Naoto, 'm so sorry!"

"As I said, it is quite alright. We simply need to somehow extract ourselves-"

"No, I mean… oh gods, I didn’t touch you or nothin!"

"Yes. I know." She helplessly patted his chest with a hand. "I know you only fell asleep. I could have moved away and I did not."

"Y-Why-? No. I mean... argh!" Trying to untangle his arms from around her and freeing them both from the blanket, the boy blushed furiously. "'kay. 'cause I wouldn’t be… I'd not… ya know! I know you don’t want us to go an be stuff..." He managed to free his arms and threw them wide, ready to push himself up.

Hesitantly, Naoto leaned towards him, pressing her cheek to his chest. "Before... Before we get up. Hug me once more. Please."

She felt his breathing halt and with a slow exhale, his arms gently came around her shoulders.

The girl frowned and shook her head gently. "No. Not like this. Like... like yesterday. Just hold me for a moment. I… I need some of your strength."

"...'kay."

His arms returned, but this time his hands pulled tighter around her as well, holding her closer to him. One hand slowly reached up, cupping the back of her head, holding her to his chest. For a long moment, they simply stayed cuddled up. While enjoyable at first, Naoto's growing hesitation started to show, and the boy stopped, pulling back. He looked down, she knew, without lifting her own gaze. "Was... that not okay?"

"I do not believe I can go to Rise-san's birthday party, Kanji-kun. I just cannot. It is all too much."

"But... I... I actually promised her I would come already…"

The young Shirogane nodded. "And that is all right, Kanji-kun. I do not dictate your friends. I am already taking up so much time with you and I am uselessly taking up space and resources at your home. You should go. Enjoy yourself." She forced a smile on her lips and looked up. "Eat some cake for me, would you?"

His small frown showed clearly how unimpressed he was with her faked attempt at smiling. "I was kinda hopin' you'd come with me..."

Slowlyy and gently, the short girl untangled herself from the embrace. Her hands rested on his chest again as she spoke, unable to look up at him.  "Please try to understand. I do not think it would be a good idea. There is... still some resentment on my part. And..." She stopped, biting her lip for a moment. When she gazed up at him, all that was left was a quiet mask. "I just cannot face it, Kanji-kun."

He dropped his hands and nodded slowly. "Okay." He tried to look at her while not appearing to look. "An' ... thanks, yeah? For... last night and all. I slept real good."

Naoto leaned back and smiled. "Yes. I slept quite well myself."

Both of them started quite spectacularly when his mother called them from the entrance to the kitchen. "Good morning you two! Come on down, I toasted us some bread for breakfast."

 

* * *

 

The later morning, after breakfast, found the young detective quietly sitting just barely inside the junior tailor's room. She had wanted company, but his mother was busy and the boy said he was working on a few things himself. Much to his surprise, she had asked to join him.

Nothing improper, naturally! She was partly past his door where she sat, the sliding door wide open. But she felt better reading here, leaned against the wall, than she would on her own.

The sewing machine slowed, then stopped. As it remained quiet, Naoto lifted her head to see Kanji regard her with an oddly mellow expression on his face. After they quietly observed one another for a short while, she ducked her head and mumbled, "What is it?"

"Are ya... mhm."  He ran a hand through his hair and ruffled it. Naoto allowed herself to enjoy what seemed to be his 'look' on weekends, with his hair not done up and gelled into place. It hung wildly, some even into his face. It was really a rather fetching look for the boy, she thought.

He tried again, "Yer sure ya can't tag along? Just for a little while? You can share in my gift to R-, uhm, t-to her?"

With a smile, she said, "Seeing how I am certain your gift is hand-made, it would be quite obvious I had no say in it or its creation."

Kanji pressed his lips together for a moment, then nodded and turned back to his work.

Naoto watched his back as he returned to what he had been doing. Not having asked what he was working on, she was left to only watching what seemed like disjointed hand motions while listening to him mutter. Now and again, he sat up straight, flapped a tiny piece of cloth this way or that, mumbled, and returned to leaning forward, one of his feet gently manipulating a pedal. Closing her book gently on a finger to mark her place, Naoto leaned against the doorframe. The feeling of the fitted wood made her smirk. _I seem to be spending considerable time in hallways today. Or half in rooms, as it were._

She tilted her head and watched him turn in his chair to pick at a small box beside his desk, picking through fabric scraps. With a grunt, he pulled something blue out of the box and went to it with his scissors.

“Are you working on her gift still?”

“Mhm?” He turned; his eyes still on the scrap in his hand as he cut it to whichever use or function he meant for the piece to have.

“Right now. Are you working on something for Kujikawa-san?”

“Na,” he Kanji said, turning back to the sewing machine, “this is for- This… this is something else, alright?” He flushed, gazing at her, then turning back to his work.

Naoto chuckled softly, shifting where she sat. "So, what did you _make_ our resident idol previously then?" Her smile hinted at some amusement. She did not mean to sour his mood and maybe a small acknowledgement of his exceptional skills would boost his mood a little.

"I made her, ah, hold on..."

He stood from his desk, leaving behind whichever small item he was putting the stitching on for the last half hour. Naoto craned her neck a bit, but from where she sat, she could not see much. It was colourful, about the side of a handkerchief, and looked like several layers of cloth had already been combined into it. Turning her head to follow her friend and apparent current guardian with her eyes, he was digging through a standing rack against the far wall. She had seen it previously; it seemed to be where he stored larger projects he worked on. One item caught her eye as he moved things about, seeming to have a dark blue and purple tartan pattern. Just as she wanted to ask him about it, he turned, holding something between his hands shyly.

"I made her this."

With her eyes growing larger, Naoto stood and walked towards him. Her eyes ran over the dress, its layered ruffles and -was that a bustle? It almost looked like a dress the way it rested on its hangers; but upon closer inspection, it turned out to be a combination of leggings, a skirt, a blouse and a smart-looking jacket. "Kanji-kun, this is very elaborate!"

He nodded with a modest smile. "Yeah, I worked on it for her for a few months now. She showed me something similar in a magazine and I thought, hey, that’s easy, y’know?"

Her eyes widened. "From merely seeing a picture in a magazine? You are so-"

The young man cut her off, hiding his embarrassment by hanging the dress-suit back. "Wasn’t easy. Wasn’t easy at all, heh."

"Oh." Naoto quietly watched as he turned back, noticing how his cheeks turned a shade of light pink. With an encouraging smile Naoto continued, "Still, my point stands. Who of our peers would be able to produce such quality?"

If anything, then his blush deepened. "Th-Thanks, Naoto."

"I really mean it, Kanji-kun."

"Yeah. I know."

She flashed him a warm smile before turning to sit back down by the door. As she turned to sit, he had that odd expression again, as if he wanted to say or do something, but was held back by someone. As she cocked her eyebrow at him, he shook his head, gave her a small smile, and sat back down to resume working.

Naoto picked up her book as if she intended to read, but instead resumed watching him. There was so much she had not known about him; not before noticed about him in these past months. Her brain skirted at his confession from the previous night, but withdrew just as swiftly again. That was not what she had meant to focus on, not at all. Her thoughts were more about how focussed he would get while working with yarn. How calm he could be while working, studying, or simply walking in silence. How devoted he was to his mother. How eager he was to learn processes for the shop and the art of his family. How _in control_ he seemed when working. How often he smiled when they were just in his home.

He had a kind smile, she decided. While at school or in the TV world, she rarely saw him with his guard down, and smiles were rare. He would laugh readily while with his friends, but that smile... it was something rare. Something precious. Just like now. _...wait, now?_

With a start, she noticed they had just been silently sharing a smile. Trying to compensate for the embarrassment of having been caught observing him, she fumbled with her book.

"Why were ya smilin'?"

"I-I was n-" She stopped, his smile growing to a smirk as he tilted his head at her with a disbelieving eye-roll. "I... was merely admiring your skill."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yes."

Kanji's smile grew and he rubbed the back of his neck. "Ah, well. Uh… ya maybe… uh… wanna see something else? I kinda, ah, I got Rise summin' else, too, but it won't be finished for a while."

Naoto nodded and stood.

"It's, ah, downstairs, in the dressing room of the store."

"Very well, lead the way."

She let him slip past her and followed him to the dressing room of the store. His mother was working on a dressing dummy, pinning up a sleeve to a jacket from the look of things. "Oh, hello. Did you want to try something on, Naoto-chan?" She shot her son a quick, sharp glance for some odd reason.

"Na, I wanted ta show her the thing I've been workin' on for Rise."

Tatsumi-san turned, looking over Naoto slowly. The girl fidgeted, unsure why she felt like she was being measured and weighed by her gaze. Then she slowly nodded. "She is mostly the same size as Rise-chan, I am sure she could try it on if she-"

"MA!" Naoto jumped at his outburst, turning to look at him. His face was near crimson, at least what parts she could see hidden behind his hands. In a loud, but muffled voice he growled, "Naoto didn't wanna try it on. Not sure I could even make her- I mean... gah, forget it, ya old bat, I jus' wanted to _show_ 'er!"

Naoto gave a wide, non-understanding smile at her host. "Unless you disapprove, Tatsumi-san?"

"Oh, not at all. I had almost hoped you would try it on, I am sure you'd look lovely in it, my dear."

Naoto turned sharply to gaze at the floor, biting her lip at the compliment. Not having her hat, she could only turn away to hide her fluster.

To her son, Miss Tatsumi nodded. "Well, go on, dear. Show off your work."

At his sulk and grumble, Naoto bowed to his mother, and then followed him behind a small curtained-off area. As she looked around, she spotted another dummy- this one holding a light summer yukata. "This... is it," Kanji mumbled.

She stared yet again. While the colour choice was way too _pink_ for her own tastes, she saw a piece of clothing which was stilled held together by pins and needles; still very much in production, but already showing the touch of the craftsmanship she was used to from both Tatsumis.

"I didn' do it all alone," he admitted and stepped forward. "Ma still made the obi - an' she was finished while I was still train'a find out what ta do with the second sleeve. Rise wanted me to repair her old one, but that thing is store-bought trash. So I’m re-making it." With that, he pointed to a yukata pinned to the wall, clearly of lesser quality.

Swivelling her head between the two items, Naoto smiled. "You never cease to impress me with your casual display of craftsmanship. Even the way the colours appear to fade into one another was copied by you."

Kanji rubbed his neck with a frown. "I’s really nothin'… I mean, this mass-produced crap can’t really make complex patterns, so they cheat. Meaning I could, too." He sighed softly. "I hope she'll like it."

The girl shook her head with a smile. "I am sure she will _love_ it, Kanji-kun."

The blonde glanced at her sideways. "Y'know, just showin’ up at the party would be a great gift to her."

"Perhaps." The girl shook her head gently. "But it is not a gift I have the means to give." He nodded sadly, turning back to the yukata. "But this does not de-value your own gift, Kanji-kun. I did mean it. She will love this. I myself would-"

Naoto bit her lip and stopped herself. _What am I doing? I have not worn any kind of female attire since I was four. In addition, if I even so much as hint at him I would enjoy one of his creations, he will waste his time making one._ She shook her head.

"Even I myself can see your hard work in this piece, Kanji." She smiled up at him. "You should take pride in your craft."

 

* * *

 

They chatted a while longer, before Kanji peered at his phone and sighed. "I, mhm... I need to..."

Naoto forced a small smile and nodded. "Yes, I understand. Let me see you off."

They walked to the front of the shop where Kanji and Naoto gave one another a somewhat awkward good-bye outside the store doors.

"I'll try to be back quickly, okay?"

"Do not rush on my behalf. You are planning a celebration, Kanji-kun. You and the others should enjoy yourselves."

"Well, yeah, but what about you?"

"Kanji-kun." The girl smiled and playfully slapped his upper arm. "I am seventeen years old. Do you doubt I can manage to entertain myself for one afternoon without your assistance? Go on." She smiled lightly and gave him a small push.

He sulked at her and sighed. "Later, Naoto."

"Mhm." She nodded at him, then turned back to close the store door behind her. With a small sigh, she slipped out of her unfastened shoes, not having bothered to tie them up.

As Naoto lifted her gaze off the ground, she saw the surprised face of his mother around the corner of the back door. "I thought it was your friend’s birthday? Why are you here, child?"

"Well, it is not actually her birthday yet, that would be next week. Today her friends meet to plan the party, as much as they can without her input. However, she... I am not sure there is a friendship between her and I, Tatsumi-san."

The woman tilted her head and slowly stepped into her store while Naoto took off her shoes. "What makes you say so?"

The blunette frowned, fussing over her shoes and picking them up orderly before answering. "It is... quite complicated, Tatsumi-san."

"I see." The older woman smiled. "How about you bring out some tea for the two of us? You have a knack for making it just right and I am waiting for someone to come and pick up an order. I would enjoy some company."

The young girl lifted her head wanting to refuse, but the sweet smile on the woman's face melted her resistance like fog in the sun. "Yes, of course, Tatsumi-san."

She slipped into the kitchen in the back, amazed how easily the lady of the house was able to control both her and her son so easily. Was this the magical touch of a mother? Something she had of course not had in many years, but she found it fascinating how effortlessly Kanji's mother could direct her stoic and proper nature, as well as Kanji's rough and rebellious one.

As she returned with the tea, she walked in on Miss Tatsumi assisting the customer she had been waiting for. "Oh, Naoto-chan, be a dear and fetch the two parcels in the store room for me, please? The ones labelled 'Futoshi'?"

"Naturally, Tatsumi-san." Naoto set the tea down in the back hallway. Just as she slipped away, she managed to catch whom she assumed was Miss Futoshi comment, "My, what a handsome young man, did you take an apprentice?" Naoto smirked; even without her tie, her posture, dress, and mannerisms still marked her as a young man. Some part inside of her enjoyed that.

She returned and knelt, placing the packages before the customer, her demeanour mirroring what she had seen from Tatsumi-san so often when she had served customers. "Thank you, Futoshi-san, here you are." She kept her gaze towards the floor, both unsure what else to do and not being used to this kind of behaviour. Naoto tried to emulate she had observed serving her in the past.

Miss Tatsumi smiled brightly before she moved the packages towards Futushi. "Maybe you are right and I should apprentice her. She would look wonderful in a yukata and possibly draw even more customers."

Stiffening, the girl blushed at the bright laughter of the two women. "T-Tatsumi-san..." she mumbled, ducking her head.

"Thank you, my dear." She resumed talking to her customer for a few more minutes. Naoto stayed where she was, trying her best to remain quiet and unnoticeable.

As Miss Futoshi left, Kanji's mother turned to her with a smile. "Would you lock up, child? Let's have that tea now. I am sure it will be nice and warm by now." She got up to fetch it, while Naoto did as she had asked her to.

"I did not realise you opened the store on Sundays," she said over her shoulder to the older woman.

"Only for certain customers and only on appointment. I used to be open every day, but as I have grown older, I have come to appreciate a day in the week for myself. It also helps me stay on top of other social obligations, such as working at the shrine."

The girl locked up and returned to the elevated part of the store, pulling up the pillow Tatsumi-san pointed her towards herself. "Thank you." She sat and reached to pout the tea for them. "You work at the shrine then?"

"Oh, all of us living nearby pitch in here and there. I enjoy taking care of the trees on the grounds. And I think my son appointed himself guardian of the foxes living under the shrine." She smiled and leaned forward. "Don't tell him I know of this. He feeds them secretly, as if he is worried what I might say."

Naoto smiled into her teacup and drank deeply, refilling both of their cups at once.

"So," The grey-haired woman put down her cup and put her hands into her lap. "That party."

"Yes," Naoto said, setting her cup down, "the party. It is, as you may have heard, for Rise Kujikawa."

"Ah, Marukju's granddaughter, yes?"

"Yes. She... She clearly does want me to be a part of her life, and I see and accept that... but I have spent months closing my heart to her. I no longer see her as the possible friend in my life."

"That is quite sad. Especially if she reached out to you...?"

Biting her lip, Naoto gazed into the cup of tea in her hand. As much as she wanted to deny the attempt of goodness from Rise Kujikawa, what she had done yesterday was possibly some misguided attempt at being kind. Or honest. Or... something. She had seemed genuine at times. But then... She was so _false_ so frequently. Faked laughs. Crocodile tears. It seemed like finding the real Rise Kujikawa was a game she played. With fans, with friends - and with her, falling into neither of the two groups.

"She did reach out. That is, I believe she reached out." The girl sighed. "I think that is what she attempted yesterday."

Tatsumi-san leaned forward, setting her cup down while keeping an eye on the girl. "You know, child, I was not asleep last night. I heard you and Kanji speak."

Naoto sat up straight, startled by this statement. "I am sorry; it was inconsiderate of us to not let you sleep!"

With a soft laugh, the woman continued. "Oh, do not worry, as I age, sleep has been both a friend and an enemy of mine." She put the pot down and sipped from her tea, smiling. "But I did hear a few things. About what happened; I am sorry, child." She waited, but the girl did not speak up. The woman's voice turned softer. "You both cried." She waited again, and again Naoto did not raise to speak up. Finally, the woman lowered her voice and said gently, "Of course this also means that now I know Kanji-chan finally confessed to you."

The junior Shirogane pinched her eyes shut and ducked her head. With how insightful the woman was, and how open Kanji was with his mother, she must have known. Possibly had known for some time. Did she herself have any motive in inviting Naoto here, past what she had said when she first offered? She bit the inside of her cheek, hearing a memory of Kanji's voice breaking around his confession once more.

"That he did."

A small hum came from her host. "How are you feeling about that?"

"I... He is a very good friend, Tatsumi-san..."

"But?"

"But..." The girl sighed and slumped, unable to look at the mother whose boy had confessed his affections to her. "It all comes right after everything else that happened yesterday. I learned that... that our senpai, he... he was unfaithful not only to me. It appears he dated a number of girls, some of them at the same time."

A cup was placed on the tray and a hand reached out to touch her knee gently. "Oh child, I’m so sorry."

"Please... do not be. I should have known. I should have seen. I am trained as a detective, and I missed all the signs, both before and after he romanced me. I am feeling an equal share of anger for him, myself and the other girls involved. " She wrapped both of her hands around the hot cup, ignoring the stinging the heat sent along her skin. "I will deal with it. However, I do not anticipate any kind of 'quick fix' for this."

"Generally, there is none, you're right." There was a pause and Naoto listed her head to gaze at the woman before her. She eyed her quietly and then asked softly, "Are you upset with Kanji-chan?"

She blinked her eyes in confusion. "Why would I be?"

"Did he not know?"

"He said he suspected... but it was his admiration which possibly kept him as much blinded to the truth as my own desperate need for romance to be had." She huffed. "A false romance, but one I craved like nothing before in life." Shaking her head, the girl lifted the tea and blew on it thoughtfully. “One which I still crave, Tatsumi-san.”

"I see, I think." Lifting her eyes from her teacup, Naoto saw the woman across from her giving her a sad smile. "He does not seem it, but he is very loyal to those he admires." Reaching for the teapot, she inspected the contents, not gazing at her houseguest. "He would be very faithful to anyone accepting his interest...."

Closing her eyes, the young detective laughed delightedly; setting her cup down. "Are you attempting to match-make me to your son, Tatsumi-san?"

Pouring to refill the girl's cup, the grey-haired woman smiled softly. "Certainly."

As if someone had pressed a button, the girl's laughter died and her eyes snapped open. She was quite grateful she had placed her cup down, because the gentle confirmation could have resulted in an object in dire need of _kintsugi_. "W-What?!"

The woman's smile only grew at the same rate as the blush blooming on the girl's face. "I have seen my son change since that first time you have been at my store, child. The very first time, mind you, when all I knew of you was to be a young man working with the police." She picked up her cup to sip gently, waiting for her words to sink in. "He started to pay more attention to his looks. His studies. His temper. It was clear something had happened, but it took months before I noticed why, because then I saw you two interact for the first time." Smiling into her tea, Tatsumi-san recalled that moment as the two had parted ways after school near the bus stop. "You had walked home from school. You were about to board your bus and he just watched you. He preened, shyly, trying to impress you. Stood, silently watching your bus pull away. When you were out of sight, I saw him shrink, smaller than I had seen him in some time. Whatever it was that made him better - it had just left and I could sense how much it hurt him. And that hurt I can see any time you two part ways, my dear."

In quiet disbelief, Naoto picked up her cup and hid her blushing face in the hot steam, drinking deeply so she would not have to watch the silent pride of a mother speaking to her son's crush. His own confession had been something of a painful situation last night, as she was unsure what to say and how to react. Even now, she did not yet know. However, listening to his mother now - and knowing she approved! It was all hard to face.

"He has hidden a number of things he crafted in his room," she continued, mercilessly explaining her son's feelings to the girl, "I am sure they were romantic gifts of some manner. And hearing his confession last night made it clear to me how much I would love to accept a kind, gentle girl like you into my family."

"I-I cannot-"

"I also understand that he has had... bad timing in all of this, my dear. Now is not the time, if I understand all you have been through correctly." Tatsumi-san stood and leaned towards the girl, fondly stoking her head. "But if you ever feel strong enough again to allow it, I know he would make you happy."

With that, Naoto watched the woman leave towards the storeroom, returning to work on whatever project had previously occupied her attention.

  

* * *

 

Her blush had persisted for what felt like the last half hour since Tatsumi-san returned to her work. Her thoughts were an utter mess. The moment she managed to distract herself, something would remind her. If yesterday afternoon. Of the evening. The night. Being found by his mother. The talks she had with either of them.

Try as she might, she could not calm herself back down. If she had not been too pre-occupied by the heaped-on embarrassment of both a confession of love, plus the confessors mother trying to up-sell her son; Naoto might have noticed that she had not thought of Yu Narukami for over three hours by the time she excused herself to go for a walk.

The intended walk turned out to be fairly short, as the Tasuhime-Shrine seemed to call out to her. As she walked up the stairs to the wide-open area in front of the shrine, she seemed to dip into another reality.

The hallowed grounds of the shrine seemed to always carry her elsewhere. Tall trees gave shade and the rushing of leaves in the wind ate the noise of the town around her. The tall, golden building of the shrine glistened even in indirect sunlight and enhanced even the dreariest of afternoons.

The rumour of the wish-granting _kitsune_ living at these grounds had also resulted in offerings to their old friend and her kits - and the old fox was wise enough to make sure they were seen rarely, enhancing their mystique.

The junior Shirogane cleansed herself before slowly approaching the shrine. She threw a couple of 100 Yen coins into the offering box, clapped her hands and bowed to the resident gods.

_'You have kept me here, even though I was tempted to leave. You sent me into the welcoming arms of a kind family. And you have tried to make me understand how to move forward. But, kami-sama, I feel stuck. I feel rudderless on this sea. Please. Guide me.'_

_pleaseguideus_

Naoto could not help but smile as she heard a whisper of Yamato-Takeru join her prayer, clapped and bowed once more. As she turned, she smiled, watching the children play out in the gardens of the shrine. Leaning against the watchful statue of a fox spirit, she smiled at their carefree banter. In a larger city, or if this shrine had an actual priest, she might have gotten chased away. But here in Inaba, children playing under the watchful eyes of the gods themselves was normality. ' _And considering we know one walking amongst us, her watchful eyes granting the farmers of this valley already a marvellous rice season..._ ' She chuckled softly, shaking her head.

She gazed about quietly, then sat in the shade of the statue she had leaned against, watching the holy paper lazily flap around the box of fortunes. With a small frown, she recalled the last fortune she had pulled. Great Misfortune, it read. For most of the last five months, it seemed it had held true. Here she was, in the remaining days of May, and still she appeared to be cursed.

With a sigh, she thought of her Grampa. He was away for work, South Korea only, but still too far to simply send a quick text message. Moreover, much to her surprise, the Tatsumis only had very limited internet connected directly to one computer in their back rooms. They used it for work, surely, and Naoto had not wanted to impose to send private emails herself. Nevertheless, she would return to her own apartment the next day, so she would send an email from there. Surely, Grampa did not expect to her from her while he knew she was being hosted by a school friend.

Hosted by...a ... very kind school friend and his mother.

Thoughts turned to the two remaining Tatsumis. She recalled how they interacted. How they looked after one another. How they worked in tandem at times, while at others complimenting their missing pieces. A relationship between parent and child born from growing up together.

Would she have had similar with her own parents? Could she have cooked with her parents? Maybe when they made bento for picnics? Or when they went out to eat together? Would her father have taught her the use of a firearm, instead of her Grandfather? Would her mother have trained her in scientific methods? She had worked with her grandfather at times, but how different would it have been to investigate a crime scene under the watchful eyes of her own parents?

Would... she have had better role models for matters of the heart? She thought of her shadow and the ridiculous machine it had attempted to build.

Would she have known to spot Yu Narukami for who he was? Could she have noticed Kanji Tatsumi? If he was right, his thoughts that he would have confessed to her and thus shielded her from their senpai surfaced and she started to gently chew her lip. _Could_ he have prevented this? Could anyone?

Could Rise Kujikawa have protected her?

Kujikawa. Naoto hated her. Hated her layer of fake over everything. The fake smiles. The fake tears. The fake... _everything_. The concern, the acts, and the show she put on by just posing.

And yet, through all of the anger, there was always a reminder of who the idol _could be_. The girl gently holding Nanako in Heaven. The provider honest encouragement during the pageant. The front of their very much impromptu band performance. The happily laughing girl during lunch break.

With a twist of her mouth, the girl wondered if they could have been friends, once. However, the way things were now, that was fully out of the question, wasn’t it?

She sighed and pulled her arms around her knees.

A small flash of red made her turn her head. At the base of the _yorishiro_ -tree wrapped with _shimenawa_ , she saw two juvenile foxes. One with a purple scarf, one with what looked like a miniature yellow necktie, chased each other around. Her smile grew. Yu had-

 _Yu_. He had mentioned to her that their fox had three kits. Resting her chin on her knees, Naoto watched the young foxes play. Her mood turned dark again almost the moment it had brightened. As she gazed up, she saw a third young fox balance on the thick rope. How it had possibly managed to get up there, she did not know, but it appeared to be watching her, not join in the play of its siblings.

Elegantly, their old friend appeared, stopping to sit in the sun in front of her.

The girl smiled and moved to give a small bow. "Good morning, Kitsune-kun."

The animal returned the bow with a small snort, then rose to move and sit beside her in the shade.

Both of them watched two of their guardian's kits play for a quiet while. While reaching out to pet the fox briefly played in the back of her mind, Naoto had to chuckle at the idea. They had called this vixen 'Kitsune-kun' not simply because of the nature of her near-magical abilities, but also because of the respect she had both commanded and earned. Her aid in the Hallowed Forest had been vital, and Naoto would not forget this.

However... she also was a kind and caring creature. Kanji had told her once that he knew she would provide her leaves to elders who were injured or simply felt their age. Apparently, he had started bringing them food after he noticed that she had helped his mother with her back a few times.

And then there was the rumour about this shrine in general...

"I have heard you are considered the keeper of _ema_ at the shrine?" she asked quietly, turning to gaze at the fox.

Beside her the vixen snorted, then nodded.

"Would you... would you happen to have some blank ones stashed away?"

The fox eyed her and stood. Naoto followed her to the offering box, where the animal gave a long, pointed stare at her, the offering box, and then back at her again.

With a small laugh, the girl replied, "I would not even dream of not paying my respects for this." She patted her pockets, then grabbed a hand of loose change, a few hundred yen, and held them out to the fox. She then turned so slowly let them ring into the offering box.

From behind the offering box exploded the third kit. She noticed the nicked left ear and what appeared to be a rough leather chord made of several strands of leather around its neck. It 'Yip!'ed loudly, its tail swishing, following by dancing around her for a few skips. Its mother yipped at it, then snapped its jaws. The kit puffed up, which earned it a weird growl/yowl. In fascination, Naoto watched its ears wilt, its tail droop, and it slunk away under the temple.

Its mother appeared to wilt her ears as she looked up at Naoto, only to have the spring back up to points as she turned back to the offering box. The little punk returned with a pristine _ema_ gently held in its maw. Much to Naoto's surprise, she saw no slobber or tooth marks anywhere in the wood.

"Thank you, Kitsune-kun." The kit snorted and vanished again.

She reached into her breast pocket for a pen, realising she may not have brought any writing implement. After all, she had not exactly thought she would come here of all places.

Something nosed her leg and she glanced down.

"YIP!" With its tail pointing straight up, the apron-clad mother fox walked away from her, towards the side of the shrine. The junior Shirogane followed closely, until she was pointed towards a small alcove at the side of the building, containing a hanging brush and a sealed vat off ink.

"I see you are a stickler to formality. Very well."

As Naoto brought forward the writing set, the vixen sat beside her, her tail swishing along the ground. While the rumour of the foxes helping with Wishes seemed very much just a local fancy, she felt as if she was being watched as she wrote. In flowing script, her wish for a 'lighter heart' was drawn on the small plaque and she closed the ink back up, hanging the brush so it would drip away harmlessly. Turning to hang the _ema_ up, she gave the fox another small bow. "Thank you, Kitsune-kun."

She felt something catch on her pant leg. As she glanced down, the two previously playing foxed held on to her by biting her pent leg. As she tried to move forward, one released her leg just long enough to protest with a loud, "Yip!"

"What is it? Is this not the right spot?"

The vixen appeared, snorted, and walked a bit further into the maze of hung wishes. She stopped, her tail swishing high, almost pointing to a spot on the hanging ropes of _ema_.

"I should hang it there?"

"Yip!"

The blunette shrugged her consent and tied her _ema_ up, right between one asking for 'forgiveness' and one requesting 'courage' "There. Thank you again. I... I will see if Tatsumi-san would enjoy lunch with me at Aiya."

"Yipyip!"

...

The fox sent her kits back to play under the tree as she turned to watch the human girl walk away. She knew what weighed on her heart, of course. Humans were easy to understand, once you knew just enough about them – and these children had been close companions of hers. Turning to watch three _ema_ moving gently in the wind, the animal sighed bleakly. The one who came to feed her hung one of the wooden plaques; the other by the one who would scratch her ears so nice had hung the other. And now she had this third one with them.

She liked the children who had dared to fight with the gods and against the gods. However, on this matter, she did not know how to help. Her ears drooped as she continued to simply watch the wind gently swing their three wishes, hoping a kind god would take their requests to heart.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowzer, sorry this took so long. AND the next chapter is already in the works, with the help of everyone's best Rise - Ikasury!  
> Truth be told, she's the one to restart this for real, I had just about given up here. The core situation that birthed ILYS didn't seem like it could possibly have a fluff-and-feels happy end, but I may manage after all now.


End file.
